A sweet little innocent yellow sponge holds hands with his best friend (an even more innocent, dopey pink starfish) and suddenly they're sending our children straight to hell in a butt-banging handbasket?
What is with the sexuality witch-hunt in this country? When did I stop being able to hold hands with my sister, mother or best friends? Yeah, I'm foisting my deviant lifestyle on you because I'M A MARRIED STRAIGHT WOMAN HOLDING HANDS WITH MY SISTER. Oh, the little children will be gouging their eyes out with hot pokers! What the hell?
Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream that one day "... little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers." Did he have a homosexual agenda, too?
Back in 1990, I had a penpal who was in Desert Storm. He sent me several little "souvenirs" - including a Coke can in Arabic, a Hard Rock Cafe Al-Khobar t-shirt, and an instruction manual that briefed military personnel on the culture in Saudi Arabia.
The manual says (on page II-5, under the heading "Physical Closeness"), "You may see local men (including soldiers) walking hand in hand - this indicates nothing more than the fact that they are good friends (not homosexuals)." Maybe we need to send a similar manual to James Dobson?
The manual goes on: "Touching during conversation is also common and is often done for emphasis. A local male touching another male's knee or hand during conversation indicates what he is about to tell him is something of the utmost seriousness, importance, or to be held in confidence.
"Conversational distance is based on the greeting distance. For two American men it would be handshake distance. For two Arab men, however, it would be closer, since they cheek kiss upon greeting - same for two Arab women."
And Arabs aren't the only ones. David S. Clark, president of the U.S. Institute of Languages, writes:
As I was living in Latin America, I became friends with a local man and we would have conversations about the difference between Greetings in the Latin culture and Greetings in the English speaking culture. He thought it was so funny and so unnatural to see two Americans that were close friends greet each other. He described it in this way. "It's funny to see two American friends approach each other and then just sort of stop a few feet away and say 'Hi', or maybe even wave their hands and say 'hi', or even give each other a 'high five'". He said that for him, "It seems much more natural to have contact with each other either through a hug or a kiss on the cheek."
In fact, "Men in Eastern Europe, Portugal, Spain and Italy will often kiss male friends on the cheek," writes Susan Dunn, a business writer for webpronews.com.
Dear God! Vast swathes of humanity actually touching each other! What's next?
Spongebob has been singled out due to his alleged popularity with homosexual men. But the rightwing nutjobs are also taking issue with the Tolerance Pledge at the We Are Family Foundation website, which ends with the line: "I pledge to have respect for people whose ... sexual identity or other characteristics are different from my own."
The We Are Family Foundation's children's video coming out March 11, 2005, has not only Spongebob but characters from Arthur, Barney, Bear in the Big Blue House, Between the Lions, Blue's Clues, Bob the Builder, The Book of Pooh, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Dora the Explorer, Jimmy Neutron, JoJo's Circus, Kim Possible, Lilo & Stitch: The Series, Madeline, The Magic School Bus, The Muppet Show, The Proud Family, Rugrats, Sesame Street and Zoom.
Yes, every popular kids cartoon on the planet is in on it - that "gay agenda" already outed by Congressman Barney Frank (D-Mass.) at the Democratic National Convention in 2004 ...
... the one which suggests we should all just play nice.
Like Spongebob and Patrick.
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