Jen's Guide to Life

Cross-hairs or surveyor symbol?

2011-01-12T13:30:00.005-05:00

Set aside your feelings for a moment. Take a deep breath. Ignore the media, right and left. It's just you and me, and we're going to take a reasonable look at cross-hairs and surveyor symbols. This is a very basic issue and easy to address by examining the things themselves.

First, let's take a look at the map in question:

Here is an enlarged view of one of the symbols:

Cross-hairs: "Either of two fine strands of wire crossed in the focus of the eyepiece of an optical instrument and used as a calibration or sighting reference."

Several examples of cross-hairs are depicted in the image below.

I cannot find a corresponding definition for "surveyor symbol" or "surveying symbols" on either dictionary websites or Wikipedia. A Google search for "surveyor symbols" turns up nothing but references back to Sarah Palin and her staffer Rebecca Mansour. But surveyors make maps, so let's assume by "surveyor symbols" we really mean cartography symbols.

Many different types of circles are routinely used on maps. This is obvious in a search of Google images for "map legend" or "map key." Just one of hundreds of examples:

Palin's map symbol certainly resembles these. It could also be considered "cross-hairs," based on the definition of the term. But, in fairness, reticles are found in places other than gun sights, such as telescopes. And they do appear in surveying equipment, as shown in this image, known as a "stadia mark":

So, were the cross-hairs on Palin's map meant to suggest gun symbolism? Not necessarily. Maybe they were actually "stain seekers."

OK, that was just a little joke. But, seriously, why don't we just check with Sarah Palin?

Well, there you go.

Updated: Liberty vs. Safety

2010-12-08T08:11:00.001-05:00

"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." - Ben Franklin

Amazon has cut off Wikileaks' web service, after being contacted by the staff of Sen. Joe Lieberman (Ind.-Conn.), chairman of the Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee. And PayPal recently joined Amazon in disassociating itself from Wikileaks.

"If Amazon are so uncomfortable with the first amendment, they should get out of the business of selling books." - Wikileaks tweet

This is the same Amazon which refused to cave to demands by the North Carolina government that it turn over customer data. Amazon refused on the grounds that North Carolina's request violates the First Amendment. Recently, a federal judge agreed and ruled that North Carolina’s request for Amazon customer data is unconstitutional. The ruling seems to have given Amazon little confidence in standing up to Senator Lieberman.

"When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty." - Thomas Jefferson

In a statement, Lieberman discussed how Wikileaks published "illegally seized" and "stolen" material. As a former newspaper reporter, I have to ask, so what? Wikileaks is not the one doing the stealing, it is doing the publishing. It is the job of reporters to report. Freedom of the press is a cornerstone of democracy.

"Conveying" government secrets is a crime; "publishing" them is not. It is protected by the First Amendment, and for the government to intervene to prevent that from happening is unconstitutional. - Audrey Watters

Encouraging the activities of Wikileaks could bar you from a future government job. Meanwhile, the US Social Security Administration has warned its employees that even browsing Wikileaks could be a criminal offense.

"In a free society we're supposed to know the truth. In a society where truth becomes treason, then we're in big trouble." - Ron Paul

When the government gets into the business of telling the people what information they may or may not read, what news sources they may or may not peruse, it is no longer a free country.

"The best justification they can find for secrecy is that lives are at stake. Actually, lives are at stake as a result of the silences and lies which a lot of these leaks reveal." - Daniel Ellsberg, the former military analyst who in 1971 released the Pentagon Papers which detailed government lies and cover-ups in the Vietnam War

Since writing the above, Wikileaks founder Julian Assange has been cut off from his Swiss bank account, and MasterCard shut down Wikileaks payment service. The justification from MasterCard is that it's rules of use prohibit customers from engaging in or encouraging illegal activity. This is the same excuse given by PayPal.

I find it deeply disturbing that an aggressive free press is considered "illegal activity." I find it even more troubling that our own government, Amazon, PayPal, MasterCard and others have completely circumvented due process of law and decided that Assange is guilty until proven innocent.

But I need not repeat what is already said so well, by Evan Hansen in his recent article, "Why Wikileaks is Good for America."

"WikiLeaks stands to improve our democracy, not weaken it. The greatest threat we face right now from Wikileaks is not the information it has spilled and may spill in the future, but the reactionary response to it that’s building in the United States that promises to repudiate the rule of law and our free speech traditions, if left unchecked. - Evan Hansen

Facebook has issued a statement saying that it will continue to allow Wikileaks to publish updates to its followers. Twitter issued a statement that it will not censor Wikileaks from its "Trending Topics" section. Google, which is currently struggling with China over government censorship, appears to have indexed more than 1500 Wikileaks pages. (Source)

The Surprising Adventures of Sir Digby Chicken Ceasar

2010-04-02T19:48:00.011-05:00

This has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but I love Sir Digby Chicken Ceasar from That Mitchell and Webb Look. It's utterly absurd, darkly humorous, and poignantly tragic. And it pokes fun at BBC. Don't get me wrong, I love BBC costume dramas, love the Sherlock Holmes stories, etc. But that doesn't mean I can't laugh at them.

This is my collection of favorite quotes from each Sir Digby episode.

Episode 1 quotes

"On a lonely planet spinning its way to damnation amid the fear and despair of a broken human race, who is there to fight for all that is good and pure and gets you smashed for under a fiver? Yes, it's the surprising adventures of me, Sir Digby Chicken Ceasar."

When a coin is tossed at him... "At last! My grant from the foreign office. Now we'll finally crack this mystery."

"The story so far: As usual, Ginger and I are engaged in our quest to find out what the hell is going on and save humanity from my nemesis, some bastard who is presumably responsible."

On being caught by police "...One of my nemesis's henchmen, wearing a cunning disguise, tries to foil our plan."

While bumming a cigarette... "I'm indebted to you, madam. Write to my club for full remuneration."

After Ginger has spent a night in jail... "Forgive me, you must be tired. Have a sip from my can."

Episode 2 quotes

"It's been very fine to see you, Great Aunt Marigold."

"In a city gripped by fear and greed, on streets greased with blood and tears, who is there to look out for the little guy and see if he's got any money on him? Yes, it's the surprising adventures of me, Sir Digby Chicken Ceasar."

"The story so far: I've successfully couriered the top secret machinery back to its rightful owners at the heart of government... But now my thoughts inevitably return to my trusty companion Ginger, who is not so lucky at the hands of our pursuers."

"It's going to be an Easter weekend to remember!"

Episode 3 quotes

"In a time future historians will one day call 'the past,' in a place I wish I could name but it's been a confusing week, who is there to look out for the man in the street in case he wants his mobile back? Yes, it's the surprising adventures of me, Sir Digby Chicken Ceasar."

"The story so far: In my continuing quest to find out just who is behind it all, and by 'all' I do mean ALL, Ginger and I have been invited to an evening at Her Majesty's pleasure, but we can't get there because we're in prison."

Episode 4 quotes

"Look Ginger, my nemesis has left a calling card -- a single monogrammed glove. Pick it up, Ginger! Look Ginger, my nemesis has left another calling card -- a single monogrammed panty liner. Pick it up, Ginger! ... Look Ginger! My nemesis has left another calling card ... there on that fat man's wrist. Quick pick it up before the police bungle onto the scene and contaminate the evidence."

"Excellent use of the monogrammed pantyliner!"

"We must make good our escape, Ginger! I'll drive."

"In a world spinning as fast as the inside of home base when you've just had a go at a four pack of ??????, who is left to fight for all that is right and proper and good and clever and full of money and belonging to that teenager who doesn't look like he can handle himself? Yes, it's the surprising adventures of me, Sir Digby Chicken Caesar!"

Sir Digby: "I believe we are looking for menstruating child who is waterproof to a depth of fifty meters. Where can he be hiding in such a fiendish disguish?"
Ginger: "I smell sausage rolls."
Sir Digby: "You mean, something fishy?"
Ginger: "No, I -- I smell sausage rolls."
Sir Digby: "You mean, you detect the dread hand of my nemesis's arch-rival, Viscount Von Sausage Roll?"
Ginger: "No, I can smell sausage rolls!!!"
Sir Digby: "Fucking what?"
Ginger: "I can smell sausage rolls."
Sir Digby: "Stop saying that, Ginger!" (sniffs) "Can you smell sausage rolls?"
Ginger: "Sometimes."
Sir Digby: "Gadzooks! He must be hiding amongst these cake-eating dwarfs."

"How did my nemesis shrink himself? When will Ginger find a better method for discovering waterproof dwarfs? Why don't kids parties have real booze any more, like they did when I was a dwarf? Find out in the next enthralling installment of the surprising adventures of Sir Digby Chicken Ceasar."

Episode 5 quotes

"We're not having sex!"

"In a country lacerated by the sharp shards of broken brown-eyed promises, in a world bent low by the burden of disease and war and the price of thunderbird, who is left to make a full account to god of Britain's depleted moral minibar? Yes, it's the surprising adventures of me, Sir Digby Chicken Caesar!"

"This bears all the hallmarks of ... the Countess!"

"Ginger, beat the crap out of her!"

Episode 6 quotes

"In a world spinning rapidly off it's hinges, on steets cluttered with hood-wielding thugs having disco biscuits and cheap fireworks, who is left to fight for honour and justice and enough loose change for a bottle of Happy Shopper ??? Yes, it's the surprising adventures of me, Sir Digby Chicken Caesar!"

Episode 7 quotes

"Quick, get the copper out of the walls!"

"In a society whose toothy fake smile is ravaged by the plaque of debt and the vodka burp of sub-prime mortgages, who will floss into the darkest cavities of our despair, and see if there are any gold fillings you can swap for a can of peppermint-flavored antifreeze? Yes, it the surprising adventures of me, Sir Digby Chicken Ceasar."

"Excellent work, Ginger. You've infiltrated my nemesis's lair."

"In a world where it's important to know who your friends are, rather than who your daughter is, who will prise open the fist of international conspiracy and see if it's got a 2p in it? Find out next week in the surprising adventures of Sir Digby Chicken Ceasar."

"Keep up, Ginger, you little turd!"

Red Nose Day episode quotes

"Would a mustache on a stick help?"

"In a world going to hell in a hansom cab, where all the batteries and ??? are kept behind the counter where you can't reach them, who is there to fight for decency, honesty, and 3-liter bottle of cider-style drink for an amazing 59p. Yes, it's the surprising adventures of me, Sir Digby Chicken Ceasar."

"Lady Annabelle... has the skin of a lovely angel's bottom."

"I told you! The ones with the flowers on the front are mine!"

"Christ's whiskers, Ginger! It's Sir Rupert Dubair, and his man, Badger."

Ginger: "Robots, sir!"
Digby: "Metal bastards! Run the other way!"

Raleigh, North Carolina, I love you

2010-01-05T10:25:00.013-05:00

This is why I love Raleigh, North Carolina.

MSNBC ranks Raleigh as the Best Place to Live in the U.S.

Raleigh welcomes newcomers by the hundreds... whether it's Hurricane Katrina victims, refugees from Myanmar, or people from all over the United States who are looking for jobs, lower cost of living, and warmer climes. Raleigh's population grew 42% from 2000-2009, and it's one of the fastest growing metropolitan areas in the country. In spite of the growth, crime has been decreasing. And Raleigh still has a lower crime rate than other cities its size. (Source)

In two years of living in Long Beach, California, I had a gun waved in my face during a grocery store holdup. I had two friends car-jacked. I had one friend mugged at a bus stop. The restaurant where I worked was held up and the employees forced into the freezer at gunpoint. My grandmother had her purse snatched in a parking lot. I was fondled by a druggie while I tried to use a pay phone. My car's license plate was stolen while it was parked in my driveway. I was stuck in traffic for a total of a billion hours.

In almost a decade in Raleigh, none of these things have happened. I don't live with bars on my windows and doors. The apartment buildings aren't gated. I don't have to drive with my windows rolled up and my doors locked. The longest I've ever been "stuck" in traffic is for about 15 minutes of going 5 mph on the Beltline.

Raleigh ranks #1 on the Forbes list of "Best Places for Business and Careers."

I love Raleigh, because it's the kind of place where people waiting in a long line at the post office talk to each other. The person in line behind you at the grocery store offers to let you use their Food Lion card if you forget yours. If your 9-year-old leaves her purse in a store, you can go back to get it -- it's been turned into the customer service counter, and all the money is still there.

Raleigh has the best of both worlds. It has the diversity of a big city, but the heart of a small one. The restaurants are fantastic and multi-cultural, the organic and community farms numerous. We get all of the big shows and concerts, like Phantom of the Opera and U2.

I can attend the St. Patrick's Day Parade, Polish Festival, Greek Festival, Swedish Christmas, and Diwali Celebration. And if that's not enough, there's the International Festival representing 40 different ethnic groups.

Raleigh is where sci-fi fans known as "Browncoats" come together every June and raise thousands of dollars for women's rights and for literacy, even during the recession.

It's where I homeschool my children, supported by 3,770 other homeschooling families in Wake County, many of whom homeschool for secular philosophical reasons, as we do.

I've never had to dig my car out of the snow, here.

Raleigh is ranked America's smartest city, one of the top-10 post-recession meccas (Forbes calls us "recession-proof"), the 3rd "Most Wired" city, the most politically engaged city in the nation, and many, many more.

Not to say it's perfect. But I spent most of my life feeling like I didn't belong. In California, I wasn't tan or superficial enough, I guess, because I was often asked, "Where are you from?" even though I was born and raised there, and so were my parents. I traveled extensively as a young adult, visiting 17 of our 50 states, always searching for "home."

I finally found a home in Raleigh. I've been here for 10 years, and I have no plans to leave.

WWJD?

2009-10-05T12:20:00.001-05:00

Exercise won't help you lose weight

2009-08-10T10:08:00.009-05:00

When I was in college about 20 years ago, I started going to a gym because I was dating a guy who thought my 5-foot 9-inch body wasn't thin enough at 145 pounds. That was in California, the state of body-image and food issues, and he was an asshole. But I learned something interesting from a muscle-bound personal trainer who took it upon himself to mentor me because he wanted to get into my nylon exercise pants: Working out won't make you thin and lean; eating low or non-fat is what lets your ripped abs show.

Recently, TIME published an article called "Why Exercise Won't Make You Thin" by John Cloud. Cloud cites several studies which indicate that excessive, intense exercise, the kind so often recommended for losing weight, doesn't actually help you lose weight at all.

The personal trainers, the grueling runs, the countless classes and ridiculous equipment, might be doing more harm than good, especially if you don't understand the relationship between food, body, and exercise.

"People who regularly exercise are at significantly lower risk for all manner of diseases — those of the heart in particular. They less often develop cancer, diabetes and many other illnesses. But the past few years of obesity research show that the role of exercise in weight loss has been wildly overstated."

Basically, if you exercise more, if you exercise harder, you get hungrier. A half a muffin or a sports drink is all it takes to fuel all the calories you just burned in an hour at the gym.

Yes, muscle burns more calories than fat, but if you worked out hard enough to convert ten pounds of fat to muscle, you would still only be able to eat just an extra 40 calories per day. Which is one Oreo cookie or a tablespoon of mayonnaise.

Plus, if you tire yourself out with a burst of rigorous activity, you are much less likely to move around any more for the rest of the day.

"Exercise, in other words, isn't necessarily helping us lose weight. It may even be making it harder."

Moving around is good for the human body and mind. Studies indicate that exercise is not only good for the heart, and prevents several diseases, but also helps maintain cognitive function and reduces the disabling effects of chronic back pain.

But we don't necessarily need to stress out our bodies at the gym. The "sweaty, exhausting, hunger-producing bursts of activity" are not any more useful than just regular movement during our waking hours.

"(T)he Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says our leisure-time physical activity (including things like golfing, gardening and walking) has decreased since the late 1980s, right around the time the gym boom really exploded."

The problem is the way we've come to define "exercise." Frequent, low-level activities, the sort that humans have been doing for thousands of years before leaf-blowers, Roombas, and corporate farming, may actually work better for us.

"You cannot sit still all day long and then have 30 minutes of exercise without producing stress on the muscles," says Hans-Rudolf Berthoud, a neurobiologist at LSU's Pennington Biomedical Research Center who has studied nutrition for 20 years. "The muscles will ache, and you may not want to move after. But to burn calories, the muscle movements don't have to be extreme. It would be better to distribute the movements throughout the day."

What about the sacred exercise truths, such as raising heart rate and sweating as necessary to strengthen the cardiovascular system, or getting "ripped" in order to build muscle? Vigorous exercise isn't necessarily any more beneficial than carrying groceries or climbing stairs at a moderate pace.

And, get this, people who are obese already burn more calories than everyone else, anyway. This chart shows that a 100-pound person will burn 57 calories walking a mile. While a 275-pound person will burn 156 calories in the same distance. So, hell with the gym, I'm going for a walk. It's certainly cheaper.

By the end of the article, Cloud writes, "In short, it's what you eat, not how hard you try to work it off, that matters more in losing weight."

That personal trainer I mentioned, he recommended lean protein, fruits and veggies, and low or non-fat foods. In just a few months, I'd dropped to 124 pounds and a size 4, and had a raging six-pack. Unfortunately, it took me several more months to drop the stupid boyfriend.

The way it is

2009-07-20T12:54:00.003-05:00

This is a great blog post about Walter Cronkite. I was ranting a similar view last night, as my husband watched TV news. Only, I put it in more hostile terms: The media is joke. They care more about pandering to government officials, pleasing the corporations that pay their salaries, sucking up to celebrities and covering bullshit stories than in doing true investigative journalism, being the watchdogs of a free society, or speaking truth to power.

Fuck them and all their platitudes about Cronkite's passing. What they need to do is grow some balls and live his legacy. But, no, they're just going to wave as the train finally leaves the station and they can sigh in relief and stop pretending they even approximate any semblance of a free press.

REALLY... Don't hang out with guys named Petersen

2009-07-17T14:45:00.003-05:00

Add to the list of Peterson murderers... Chris Petersen, who served time for his role in a fatal crash that killed four teenagers in 2001. He was back in court last month to face more DWI charges. Preparing for his next round of alcohol-related deaths, I guess.

WTH? Irish Nobel laureate held in Israel

2009-07-11T09:13:00.008-05:00

While doing some casual reading on Wikipedia, which is a past-time of mine, I was looking over a list of past Nobel Peace Prize winners and decided to read a little more about Mairead Corrigan Maguire. The 1976 co-recipient is mentioned in a book I'm reading, "Free Ireland: Towards a Lasting Peace" by Gerry Adams.

If I didn't live in North Carolina right now, I'd be able to make a few cents off of your purchase of the aforementioned book. Oh, well.

So, I'm reading about Mairead Corrigan Maguire on Wikipedia, and I reach the part that says, "On 30 June 2009, Corrigan was taken into custody by the Israeli military along with twenty others, including former U.S. Congress member Cynthia McKinney. She was on board a small ferry carrying humanitarian aid to the Gaza Strip when Israel intercepted the vessel in the coastal waters of Gaza, allegedly controlled by Israel. From an Israeli prison, she gave a lengthy interview with Democracy Now! using her cell phone, and was deported on 7 July 2009 to Dublin."

In the midst of the Michael Jackson furor, did the media outlets even notice this? Between my husband's Redditing, Yahoo News, Google News, local TV stations, my sister's forwards, Consumerist, and the other blogs I follow, I'm fairly dialed-in when it comes to news. But I hadn't heard a thing about this.

To read that a Nobel Prize winner and a former five-term U.S. official were "taken into custody" by the military of another country, while trying to deliver humanitarian aid, was distressing.

It's bad enough when Iran's political upheaval detains its first American (July 9)

According to the Irish Times, Mairead Maguire's group had been on a Greek-registered ferry, Spirit of Humanity, "en route to the Israeli-blockaded Gaza Strip when the vessel was boarded by Israeli commandos, commandeered, and taken to Ashdod port. The 21 passengers and crew were arrested and imprisoned, charged with entering Israel illegally, and the cargo – consisting of three tonnes of medical supplies, toys, crayons and a symbolic bag of cement – was confiscated." The article seems to imply that Ms. Maguire was not given her cholesterol and thyroid medicine while held by the Israelis.

From Mairead Maguire's interview from a cell in Giv’on Prison on July 2 by cell phone with Democracy Now!

MAIREAD MAGUIRE: ...Gaza is a huge occupied territory of one-and-a-half million people who have been subjected to collective punishment by the Israeli government. That breaks the Geneva Convention, every international law in the book. And the tragedy is that the American government, the UN and Europe, they remain silent in the face of the abuse of Palestinian human rights, like the freedom, and it’s really tragic.

And it is also tragic that out of ten million Palestinians of a population, almost seven million are currently refugees out in other countries or displaced within their own country, particularly after the horrific massacre by Israeli jet fighters after just earlier this year. Twenty-two days Israel bombarded Gaza, Gazan people, civilians. And we’re not sure what kind of weapons were dropped. We need the scientists. We need people to go in to see: is it depleted uranium in the very soil of the Gazan fields now? Unfortunately, Israel does not want human rights activists in there to see what they’ve done and what they’re doing.

Belfast Telegraph interview with Mairead Maguire from July 9

THIS is totally right on

2009-07-10T19:47:00.006-05:00

GIN, TELEVISION, AND SOCIAL SURPLUS
By Clay Shirky on April 26, 2008

This is a beautiful article about the transformation taking place in society, the change we are making from being a society which sits around staring at sitcoms to a society participating in social networking, gaming, creating, sharing, contributing to Wikipedia and Google crime maps, and using some of that cognitive surplus that so many of us wasted watching Gilligan's Island reruns in our youth. And how the Old Media Regime just doesn't get it.

This article says everything I believe, everything I love about the Internet. It's wonderful.

Getting rich off of the sick

2009-05-20T08:10:00.005-05:00

Blue Cross Blue Shield of North Carolina opposes President Obama's new health care reform. BCBS claims that a new health-care system would potentially provide patients with fewer choices and lower quality care.

Fewer choices than NONE? Lower quality care than NOTHING? None and nothing are exactly what so many Americans have now!

Our family has no idea how much longer my husband will be employed. We are a one-income family. We could manage for awhile on savings and unemployment insurance, but what terrifies me is the thought of being without healthcare. I HAVE to take thyroid medicine. And what if one of my kids gets sick?

Adam Searing, of the North Carolina Justice Center's Health Access Coalition, said in the article: "(Blue Cross and other insurers) want to protect the millions of dollars they're making and the millions of dollars the executives are making in salary. They're afraid of change. They don't want it to happen."

Speak the word, Brother Adam. Health and medicine should not be a for-profit business. I'm sorry, it's just evil. Food, education and medicine are basic human necessities, required if we are to have any degree of a functioning, successful society. The US has at least acknowledged, for better or worse, the importance of the first two items: Food and education. Not saying our food and education systems are perfect, but our nation does offer food stamps, WIC, and public education. It's about time we took on healthcare as well.

The secret of life

2009-05-04T22:58:00.003-05:00

Over at The Sneeze, Steven's son Lux, age 9, decided he could answer any question. With his dad's help, the aspiring life coach took his act to Twitter. My favorite:

Q: What is the secret to life, the universe and everything?
A: "Everybody is here to be themselves. And mostly play video games."

Amen.

Parental Public Service Post

2009-03-26T13:03:00.008-05:00

For all those parents who are desperately looking for the lyrics to the Barney "Cookie Song," because they're tired of their 4-year-olds singing just "COOKIE COOKIE..." at the top of her lungs ... over and over and over ... and would like to at least add a few more words, like "lookie" and "lookie."

This doesn't seem to be posted anywhere else on the internet. I've lookie lookie-ed.

Lookie lookie it's a cookie cookie
A cookie that I'm going to eat
Lookie lookie it's a cookie cookie
Yummy and nummy and sweet
First we make 'em
Then we bake 'em.
I can hardly wait until they're done!

Lookie lookie it's a cookie cookie
Cookies are wonderful fun!

Lookie lookie it's a cookie cookie
With a glass of milk and a plate
Lookie lookie it's a cookie cookie
Smelling and tasting great
First we make 'em
Then we bake 'em
Then we decorate them one by one.

Lookie lookie it's a cookie cookie
Cookies are wonderful fun!

They might be chilly
They might be gooey
Maybe crunchy and munchy when they're done.

Lookie lookie it's a cookie cookie
Cookies are wonderful fun!
Cookies are wonderful fun!
Yum yum!

The daunting task of fixing... EVERYTHING

2009-03-14T12:53:00.013-05:00

President Obama says the nation's food safety system is a "hazard to public health." Today he announced the nomination of former New York City Health Commissioner Margaret Hamburg to the post of FDA commissioner, and Baltimore's health commissioner, Joshua Sharfstein, as her deputy.

According to the Associated Press article, "Both (Hamburg and Sharfstein) are doctors and outsiders to the troubled agency and will face the daunting challenge of trying to turn it around."

Which made me wonder, is there ANYTHING right now that isn't a daunting task in need of turning around? The government, world and national economies, federal budget, lobbyists, civil rights, energy policy, war on terrorism, housing industry, health care, schools, Middle East, automotive industry, consumer product safety, banking system ... and now the FDA.

Is there any aspect of the country that Barack's looked at, and been able to say, "Oh, this isn't completely fucked up, I can leave this one alone"? No, it's just incident after incident of "You're doing it wrong." And now he's got to, in the words of Weekend Update's Financial Expert Oscar Rogers, "FIX IT!"

Some might say Obama is overstepping his bounds, pushing us toward socialism, or enacting a wide-sweeping liberal agenda... looks to me like he's trapped in that movie "The Money Pit" where he's now the owner of a big beautiful house that literally crumbles apart all around him, and all of the people involved in fixing it are either inept or corrupt.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2009-03-09T17:04:00.001-05:00

Tips from the Budget Goddess

2009-03-05T09:02:00.009-05:00

Now that our economy is tanking, there's a flood of advice about how to survive the lean times, how to eat for less, how to pay off debt, etc. It never occurred to me to share my lifestyle in a public forum, before, because I consider money a private matter, and I don't presume to tell other people how to live. But, judging by the number of best-selling books, talk show segments, webisodes and articles on the subject, I guess it's time for me to tell you how I roll.

And, just for some background, we are a family of two adults, two children, one cat, two cars, a home mortgage, one main income (I make a little money now and then off of my hobbies, buy my husband's job pays the bills), home-schooling our children (the oldest spent one year in private school), and living on less than $100,000 a year (for most of our marriage, MUCH less). We both have college educations.

1) DON'T BUY STUFF YOU CAN'T AFFORD. What that means is, "Don't buy shit on credit." In the past few years, we've purchased furniture, computers, cameras, and appliances, all in cash (well, not technically in paper money, but with checks, or directly out of our bank account with a debit card), and paid our medical bills up front. Judging by the way I'm treated when I say, "Yes, run it as a debit card," I must be the only person who ever does this! Or maybe they just find it hard to believe that the fat broad sans makeup or designer handbag could possibly afford to drop a few large like it was cool.

We do use our credit cards rather than our debit cards on the internet, for security reasons. But I budget for the purchases just as if we were paying cash, and then I log into our credit card account and pay the balance off every week.

2) WATCH OUT FOR INTEREST. If you do have credit card debt, get the lowest rate possible. We each had credit card debt when we got married. We also put several things on credit for our wedding, and when the kids were born. We received frequent offers of "0% interest for 6 months" or "0% interest on transfers." So we would shuffle our debt around and put the interest we saved toward paying the debt down even further. This takes diligence, though, because when that 0% runs out, it often jumps up 14-20% and you'll need to pay it off or move it again.

3) KEEP A BUDGET. This is a written record of bills, expenses and "fun money" spent each month. Over time, you will be able to see how certain bills fluctuate (such as gas or power changing based on the seasons) and can adjust accordingly. You'll also be able to target your largest expenses for reduction. Make sure to include annual expenses, such as a property tax bills, new school clothes for the kids, insurance payments, holidays, etc. I've found that computer programs take too much time -- I just use a "What's Due?" spiral organizer from Checks in the Mail. I've had mine for years.

4) WATCH OUT FOR FEES. Credit card companies are funny. And by funny I mean manipulative sacks of crap. You might make a $500 payment on a card with only a $700 balance, but if you didn't make that payment AFTER a certain date, and BEFORE another date, they don't count it as your "usual" monthly payment and will try to assess you a penalty of $20 or more. Or, with banks, make sure you have overdraft protection, so if a direct deposit is late or something unplanned happens, you don't bounce several checks and end up with $200 in fees -- which then makes you bounce more checks and pay more fees. Even public utilities will charge you interest or late fees, so know when your bills are due and pay them on time.

5) GET OUT OF DEBT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. This should be a primary goal. Car loans, mortgages, college loans, credit cards -- pay them off! There's sort of a domino effect, once you pay off one bill, you have that much more money to put on another bill, and then that one will be paid off and you put all that money on another bill... (or in savings). We've paid off both of our cars, $15,000 in credit card debt, and all of our medical bills (including all bills related to having two children). We currently owe no one anything, except our mortgage company, and that payment is less than $900 a month.

6) ARE YOUR INVESTMENTS PAYING OFF? Or are they just tying up your money? After years of participating in an employee stock purchase plan, my husband realized that his employer's stock was not making him any money at all. We cashed it out and used it to pay off a home-improvement loan that had been a large, emergency, unplanned expense. The stock continued to tumble, and cashing out ultimately saved us from losing thousands of dollars. Plus, it got us out of paying a lot of interest on that loan.

7) SHOP IN YARD SALES, THRIFT STORES, AMAZON, EBAY... or used book and music stores. I've known people who refused to do this because they didn't want "dirty" items -- and they're now bankrupt and miserable. Swallow your pride and get things for 50-90% off. I often find new, unopened items at garage sales and secondhand shops, especially after the holidays when people are dumping unwanted gifts. It does take a little vigilance and effort, inspecting items carefully, cleaning them when you get home. But our kids have tons of toys, books, DVDs and clothes for a fraction of store prices.

8) BUY KIDS STUFF BEFORE YOU NEED IT. Shopping at yard sales, thrift shops or regular retail sales, I am always on the lookout for items one or two sizes larger than my kids wear now. Shoes and clothes purchased literally for pennies are stowed in the closet until the kids grow into them. This saves me the hassle of suddenly realizing that shoes don't fit, or that winter is upon us, and being forced to buy new clothes at full price. I also buy birthday and holiday gifts a month or more before I need them, if I find a good deal.

9) COOK AT HOME. We established the tradition of "Friday Family Night" when our first child was a baby. This is the one time when we eat out as a family. The kids can choose pizza, fried chicken, burgers, or sometimes we go out to a nice sit-down restaurant. This gives us all something to look forward to, it's healthier, and it's cheaper overall. Other nights of the week are Spaghetti Night, Mexican Night, or Meat Night (when we indulge in something made from beef). I make most things from scratch, it's cheaper, and in most cases it doesn't really take that much longer, if you know what you're doing. Heck, home cooking could be the subject of a whole 'nother blog post.

10) PLAN A MENU & MAKE A LIST. Stick to a grocery list, this keeps you from buying things you don't need. Know what's in your fridge and pantry, and use it, rather than letting it go bad. Get more bang for your buck by meal planning -- for instance, if I am cooking meat, I will make soup the next night because I can use the meat juice and scraps to flavor lentil or noodle soup. Stale bread can be made into croutons, bread pudding, breading on pork chops, or added to soup. Old apples and strawberries make an awesome home-cooked berry sauce.

11) COMPARISON SHOP & USE COUPONS WISELY. This takes some time, and savvy consumer sense. Compare boxes of cereal -- sometimes the store will discount a mid-sized box so that is is actually cheaper, per oz., than the bulk box. Don't buy bulk, no matter how cheap, unless you're actually going to eat it. Don't use a coupon on an item unless it's something you would normally buy, anyway. Often, the name brand with a coupon still costs more than the store brand, or another brand on sale.

12) TRY AMAZON GROCERIES. On Amazon, you can subscribe to various bulk groceries, which are shipped straight to your house at a discounted price. For those who like organic and health-food, this is an especially handy service. Be careful, though, not all the "discounts" are any cheaper than store-bought groceries. But for certain items, they are a good deal.

13) LEARN TO SEW. I'm no great seamstress, but I can thread a needle, and I can run a piece of fabric straight through a sewing machine. This allows me to repair clothes, towels, sheets and blankets. I can make blankets, pillows and curtains from my kids' old clothes and torn sheets. I can very easily make skirts from old pants, or summer dresses from long-sleeved shirts.

14) HAVE ONE STAY-HOME PARENT. A lot of this work -- careful grocery shopping, diligent money management and prompt bill paying, going to yard sales, cooking at home, recycling the kids clothes -- can only be done because I am home. We save money not only because I am able to do these things, but also because we are not spending money on childcare, office attire for me, gas mileage/wear and tear on the car, etc.

15) HAVE PRIORITIES & LIVE BY THEM. You can't have it all, so what do you REALLY want? Organic food, a roof over your head, going back to school, one parent home with the kids, a trip to Europe every year, a particular car? Decide what your goals and values really are, and then make a plan to reach them. You don't have to say, "No, I can't afford it." You can say, "No, this doesn't fit with my priorities" or "This doesn't help me reach my goals."

16) MAKE MORE MONEY. Pick up a second job, sell something on eBay or Craigslist, have a yard sale, post your resume, network, go back to school, discuss with your boss what you can do to earn a bonus, promotion or raise. Granted, this may be difficult in the current economic climate, but you should always be hustling for more money and better opportunities. At the very least, maybe you could turn a hobby from an expense into a "break even" business.

17) IF YOU HAVE "EXTRA" MONEY, DON'T SPEND IT. There's no such thing as "extra" money! Every dollar should be doing something for you. Paying off your bills, making you interest or dividends, waiting to put your kids in college, or awaiting your next major purchase or medical expense.

18) AVOID "PAYMENT" FEES. This one happens on auto insurance, mostly, but pops up other places, too. If I pay my 6-month premium all at once, I save about $60 a year, because if I pay monthly, they add a $5 "partial payment fee" each month.

19) DO FREE STUFF. I learned this one when I was putting myself through college (without student loans, scholarships, or parents paying my tuition). And that was back before we had the handy internet to help us find things. Parks, gardens, historic house tours, landmarks, live music, town events, grand openings, business promotions -- there are tons of freebies out there.

20) BE WARY OF "REWARD" PROGRAMS AND MEMBERSHIPS. I've visited several of those membership warehouse places, and I have rarely found better deals than I could already get shopping on the internet, or buying store brands and smart-shopping in regular grocery stores. I've been offered several "reward" credit cards, but none of them were really very useful -- I don't need flying miles, and gas cards are inconvenient (I stop and fill up when I see a cheap price, rather than driving around looking for the station that takes my gas card). And some of the credit card "rewards" are just incentives to try and get you to spend more money -- "save 20% on flower bouquets" and crap like that.

21) JOIN NETFLIX. USE HULU. WATCH YOUTUBE. For years, we had no cable TV at all. We used an antenna, and we belonged to Netflix. They have everything -- educational PBS shows, classic movies, new releases, holiday movies, cartoons, and full TV seasons. We recently added basic cable to our phone/internet package for an extra $10 a month, because of the digital TV transition, but we still watch most things on Netflix, Hulu, and Youtube.

22) BUY USED CARS & KEEP THEM. Used doesn't have to mean old or unreliable. Our family car was only 1-year old when we purchased it in December of 2000, but it cost half what it was priced new. We paid it off in a few years, and we're still driving it today.

23) DRIVE LESS. Not only is this good for the environment, it saves gas and wear/tear on your car. I plan errands so that I'm getting a lot done with less driving. As I mentioned, I make a menu and grocery list, this is also so that I only have to visit the market once a week. Car pool to work.

24) UPROMISE. I don't make a ton of money as a member of this, but I have received over $100 in "free money" for my kids' 529 college fund. It's easy to use, just don't succumb to the temptation to do a lot of unnecessary online shopping to get that "10% back."

25) JOIN MYSURVEY.COM. I love this website. I have received real money for taking surveys ($10 checks), and I occasionally receive free products (such as shampoo and laundry soap).

26) BE ENERGY EFFICIENT. Use water conservation measures, even if you're not in drought conditions. Get Energystar appliances. Use compact fluorescent lightbulbs. Adjust your thermostat and water heater. Get a water heater cover. Wash clothes in cold water. Water plants with gray water.

27) DON'T BORROW AGAINST THE FUTURE. I've already said this in several ways, above, but I wanted to say it again. Don't expect the good times to last, don't expect to always be a 2-income family, don't rely on the expectation of a better job out of college. This takes some maturity and restraint, but it doesn't mean you have to give up everything fun. It's all about balance.

In one of the most violent cities in the country...

2009-01-14T09:11:00.008-05:00

I recently found out about the fatal shooting of Oscar Grant. At first, all my husband told me was that a California police officer shot an unarmed and prone man on a transit platform in front of onlookers and other officers.

My husband was indignant. He condemned the officer, his fellow policemen, and even the citizens who stood idly by, recording the event with their cell phones rather than exercising immediate civil disobedience and intervening.

I grew up in California, and I lived in Los Angeles during Rodney King. I know that cops can get violent and out of control when working under stressful, overwhelming conditions. It's fucked up, but there it is.

I also know a lot about the brand of apathy which permeates California. Californians can get deeply offended if you eat meat or call a woman a "gal," they'll sit in trees, make movies about global warming, and protest for better fuel economy. But, it seems like there's a terrible resignation about living with the constant crime. At least, there was when I lived there. Install wrought iron bars on the doors and windows, stack the bricks higher around the backyard, never carry cash in your wallet, drive with the windows rolled up to avoid a car-jacking, keep a bottle of solvent on hand to remove tagging, then shrug and leave the rest to the police. As long as we all have tofu and botox, who cares?

I said, "Not to excuse what happened, but let me guess: It's a high-crime area with budget woes."

Quick visits to Wikipedia and Google confirmed my guess:

"Oakland has a reputation as a city with a high rate of violent crime... 120 murders recorded in 2007 made Oakland's murder rate third highest in California, behind Richmond and Compton; however, Oakland suffered rape and robbery rates per capita that were almost twice those of Richmond and Compton, making Oakland's violent crime rate the highest (of California cities) overall.

"In a November, 2008 Congressional Quarterly Press publication, the city of Oakland has the dubious distinction of ranking fifth worst in a nationwide ranking of violent crime. The ranking takes into account six crime categories: murder, rape, robbery, aggravated assault, burglary and motor vehicle theft... In contrast, other Bay Area cities ranked this way. Richmond was number nine, Vallejo 67, San Francisco 102, Hayward 125 and Berkeley 132."

From the Mercury News on January 12, 2009: Mayor Ron Dellums said today that Oakland is facing a 'daunting' financial future, opening discussion on the city's work to fill a $108 million general fund deficit for the two-year period beginning July 1.

"... The council was set to discuss police department staffing and what steps the city should take -- if any -- to maintain a police force at the 803-officer authorized level. The Oakland Police Department reached a high of 837 officers in November.

"Maintaining the 803 level will cost more than $10 million per year to run three police academies annually, the mayor's report said. The current amount budgeted for police academies is $4.5 million."

I'm often asked if I miss California. The only things I miss are Disneyland and Big Sticks.

If Jesus was really Jack Black, I might actually start going to church...

2009-01-05T10:19:00.001-05:00

"Prop 8 - The Musical" starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, and many more... by Jack Black

Just another reason I shop at Target

2009-01-01T10:24:00.003-05:00

Out-of-work mortgage executive Barry Goldberg dressed up like Santa to hand out $1,300-worth of $10 Wal-Mart gift cards in front of his local Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart told him he couldn't be there because he was soliciting. When he explained that he was not soliciting he was just giving gifts, they grilled him over how he obtained the cards. "From your store," he said.

But, he was still not allowed to stay. Wal-Mart's statement was that "he was interrupting the flow of foot traffic in the store’s vestibule." Still with 44 gift cards left to give away, Target exchanged all 44 Wal-Mart cards for 44 of their own, and invited Mr. Goldberg to hang out in their store.

The New Puritans

2008-12-09T17:12:00.007-05:00

I was sick enough of self-righteous Christians who wanted to save me from hell. But I'm getting even sicker of self-righteous Health-nuts who want to save me from cancer and diabetes.

Don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, don't eat sugar, don't eat meat. Various Christian fundamentalists of times past have pushed these agendas, too, but now that most of us aren't as concerned with our immortal souls, a new social tyranny has emerged. You MUST be healthy, after all, because if you're not, not only are you going to hurt your friends and family by dying a prolonged and miserable death, you're going to cost your fellow Americans ten bazillion dollars and drain our over-burdened medical system.

I say, fuck off.

Guess what, Health Police, the act of being born means you're going to die, somehow. And between conception and interment, we are ALL big, fat bundles of liability. Such is life. The idea is, as best we can, that we do enough good work to offset our cost. That's it. We don't owe society the promise that we will work out 2 hours a day, never gain weight, never use bug spray during the second trimester, never eat meat, never have a vice.

I don't give a shit if Oprah has gained 60 pounds. I could give a rat's ass that President-Elect Barack Obama still lights up now and then. Cindy McCain was addicted to painkillers, what the hell is that to me?

Sure, we should all attempt to be healthy, after all, most folks want to live long lives of good quality. But to obsess over one particular shortcoming, as if these people (who have all done good works for humanity) were letting society down by failing to be stronger, somehow, than biology, it's rude, wrong and ridiculous.

Best crap-hole to raise kids

2008-11-11T09:36:00.012-05:00

BusinessWeek.com recently created a list of "Best Cities to Raise Kids" and they chose Jacksonville in North Carolina.

You have got to be fucking kidding me. I've lived in Jacksonville. It's the LAST place I want to raise kids.

Yes, I met my husband there (and he hated the place). We spent most of our time SOMEWHERE ELSE while we were dating. We held our wedding SOMEWHERE ELSE -- down the road in Wilmington. Our first child was born SOMEWHERE ELSE -- again, in Wilmington -- because it was the closest place with certified nurse-midwives willing to support me in a natural, non-invasive childbirth.

When our baby was only three months old, we relocated SOMEWHERE ELSE -- to Raleigh, the capital of North Carolina.

Jacksonville had way too many strip clubs, massage parlors, bars and pawn shops, and way too few opportunities.

We wanted to live in a place with excellent medical facilities, birth centers, doctors and dentists. A place where there's a diverse population. Where racism wasn't rampant, families didn't disown their daughters for "dating a colored boy," confederates weren't still flying their flag, political and social views weren't Bible-thumping right-wing and narrow, and the population, on average, was much better educated (Raleigh is the 3rd highest educated city in America). And we did not want our daughter growing up in a town where, as one person put it, "The crack of dawn ain't safe," due to the significant population of rowdy, randy young men from the military bases.

In Raleigh, we are within a few miles of history museums, historic sites, art galleries and museums, world-class restaurants, theaters, festivals, several parks and greenways, and science museums. We have Peace, Meridith, St. Augustine's, and NCSU, and are close to Duke and UNC-Chapel Hill. There's a wide range of educational choice at the lower grades, as well, with a large number of charter, magnet, and private schools, and several large homeschooling support groups.

Jacksonville is surrounded by wonderful local farms, and has a lot of fresh fruits and veggies. But, we have that here in Raleigh, too. Plus, we have the state fairgrounds, and the state farmer's market, Whole Foods Market, and tons of restaurants and shops which aren't found in Jacksonville's chain stores and strip malls.

The job opportunities here, versus Jacksonville, are so much better, too. If parents are happy and stable, that has a huge impact on children. Choices for employment in Jacksonville are basically between various low-paying retail establishments, or the military. The Triangle, however, is a thriving spot for the tech field and medical research, among other things. Raleigh ranks #1 on the Forbes "Best List for Business and Careers." It's #1 on MSNBC's "Best Places to Live" list. As of June 2008, Raleigh has appeared on at least 22 different "Best Of" lists.

I cry SHENANIGANS, BusinessWeek!

Look at what BusinessWeek wrote about Jacksonville:

"Population: 71,922... Jacksonville, a former farming town, is now a commercial hub and home to Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune and Marine Corps Air Station New River."

Now look at the Jacksonville city website:

"Jacksonville is the commercial hub of Onslow County and home to Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune and Marine Corps Air Station New River. Some 72,254 people make the city their home. The once quiet farming community has grown into the business, retail, medical, banking and cultural center for Onslow County."

BusinessWeek looked up a few statistics, copied from the Jacksonville city website, and voila, chose a crap-hole as "the best place to raise a kid" in North Carolina. Just goes to show that numbers don't always tell the whole picture.

Incredibly pointless junk fails to fly off shelves as Americans forced to focus on things that matter

2008-11-06T15:36:00.011-05:00

The Associated Press (which should soon rename itself "The Only Press") reports that retail sales took a steep decline in October, "as the financial crisis and mounting layoffs left shoppers too scared to shop."

I don't know if I'd call it "scared." How about "Forced Reassessment of Junk I Don't Really Need"?

The article goes on to state that prices are being slashed on everything, including holiday ornaments, and that luxury merchants and teen retailers are suffering deep declines. Linens 'N Things has been forced to liquidate. Saks and Gap both recorded 16 percent drops.

Only Wal-Mart seems to be treading water, which is good, because they are the largest private employer in the country.

"Even teens stayed away from malls. American Eagle Outfitters Inc. reported a steeper-than-expected 12 percent drop in same-store sales, while Abercrombie & Fitch Co. had a 20 percent drop," AP reports.

While it is unfortunate that the retail sector will be forced to lay off workers, I can't say I'm surprised or dismayed that Americans' once seemingly limitless appetite for pointless shit is coming to an end. How many fondue pots and matching bathroom sets do we really need? That snowman ornament there is cute, in all it's shiny sugar-glaze looking goodness, but is it $30 cute? I don't fucking think so.

I'm no financial expert, but are retail sales truly the only basis for our economy? To the extent that, if we all stop buying incredibly stupid shit, then our nation collapses?

If so, that's a problem which needs immediate attention. Considering all the infrastructure which needs repairing, alternative energy which needs developing, aging boomers needing health care, and schools needing improvements, that fact that our economy is tied so precariously to whether or not I need a new set of holiday ornaments and an over-priced shirt is just so WRONG.

Are you horny, baby?

2008-10-31T10:50:00.008-05:00

My husband and I have a long-running disagreement (approaching 10 years, now) over the fact that women are just as sexual as men. He says they're not.

He points out that pornography is much more popular among men. I counter that, in our culture, a "right of passage" is having your uncle or father or older brother give you your first porn mag at age 12. Do we do that with girls? Heck no. Women are forced to keep things to themselves more than men due to centuries of double standards, social pressures and persecution. Never forget that even now there are places in the world where women are maimed and murdered for committing adultery or losing their virginity. That threat kind of puts a damper on sexual expression.

I also contend that women have better imaginations, and better memories. Men like to have a picture right in front of them. Women can recall perfectly what Matt Damon looks like.

Continuing the ongoing argument, I sent my husband a little tidbit I came across on Wikipedia today:

Malleus Maleficarum

The Malleus Maleficarum (Latin for "The Hammer of Witches", or "Hexenhammer" in German) is a famous treatise on witches, written in 1486 by Heinrich Kramer and Jacob Sprenger, two Inquisitors of the Catholic Church, and was first published in Germany in 1487. The main purpose of the Malleus was to systematically refute arguments claiming that witchcraft does not exist, refute those who expressed skepticism about its reality, to prove that witches were more often women than men, and to educate magistrates on the procedures that could find them out and convict them.

The bit of the article I found particularly interesting was this: The Devil’s power is greatest where human sexuality is concerned, for it was believed that women were more sexual than men. Loose women had sex with the Devil, thus paving their way to become witches. To quote the Malleus “all witchcraft comes from carnal lust, which is in women insatiable.”

"Insatiable," eh?

Granted, there may have been some physiological basis for the medieval perception that women were insatiable.

1) Perhaps, due to poor nutrition, lack of medical care, rampant disease, and high infant mortality, women had to work a lot harder to get pregnant and have a child who survived to adulthood.

2) Maybe men spent a lot more time and energy doing physically demanding labor, and as a result, had a lot less energy than men today.

3) There were less stringent standards of beauty, back then. You were lucky if you got a peek at a woman's ankles, let alone got to see her in a tight dress or bathing suit. Did she have all her teeth? Fewer boils than her sister? The plumper the better. As a result, women felt sexier.

4) Or, maybe the priests, because they were suppressing their own sexual urges, were projecting -- they perceived women as devilishly sexual because every woman they saw made them horny. Sort of that whole Claude Frollo/Esmerelda "Hunchback of Notre Dame" thing.

In any case, it proves my point. Women are just as sexual as men. So there.

If you're sick of the election and the economy...

2008-10-25T11:56:00.006-05:00

I thought this might make a nice change from my recent political rants and consumer complaints. I've had it saved on my computer for years, and every so often, when I'm having a bad day, I just go and look at it.

Because nothing says "hope" like cute little nose-picking bunnies.

AT&T Customer Service should be "AT&T Cluster F**k Service"

2008-10-23T12:06:00.003-05:00

AT&T is at it again. Two days ago, I got an e-bill claiming I owed them $95 for an account I closed in August.

This is after receiving a paper bill for $107, and spending the better part of an afternoon on the phone last week, trying to get the $75 credit they promised me for returning a modem I never used, and being told that all I owed them was $32. For which I dropped a check in the mail on Friday.

After sitting on hold for 12 minutes today, I got "Richard" who told me that I did indeed owe $95. I explained everything that happened last week, and he "checked the notes on the account," discovering that I did not owe $107, $95, nor even $32. I actually owed $20.

So, now, I get to wait for a refund check of $12.

Utterly amazing.

A history lesson

2008-10-20T08:57:00.006-05:00

Anyone remember the 1960 presidential election? Well, unless you're in your 60s or older, you probably don't, because you weren't even old enough to vote for John F. Kennedy or his opponent Richard Nixon.

One interesting thing about that election was that, up until then, there had NEVER been a Catholic president of the United States. So what, right? Well, that was a HUGE deal, back then.

Here's a little context. Anti-Irish/Anti-Catholic racism was a powerful force in Victorian Britain and 19th-century United States. The Irish were stereotyped as violent, impoverished, and prone to substance abuse, and they were accused of monopolizing certain (usually low-paying) job markets. It was common for Irish people to be discriminated against in social situations, and intermarriage between Catholics and Protestants was uncommon. "No Irish need apply" (NINA) signs were familiar to the Irish.

And they continued to be discriminated against in various professions into the 20th century. While the Irish dominated such occupations as domestic service, building, and factory work, they were not present in large numbers in the professions, finance, and other "white collar" businesses.

Kennedy was only the second Catholic to become a major-party presidential candidate (the first was a few decades earlier, in the 1920s). During his campaign, Kennedy said that under the Republicans, America was falling behind, both militarily and economically, and that as President he would "get America moving again." Nixon responded that Kennedy was too young and inexperienced to be trusted with the Presidency.

Does all of this sound kind of familiar?

A key factor which hurt Kennedy during his presidential campaign was widespread prejudice -- against his religion. Some Protestants believed that, if he were elected president, Kennedy would take orders from the Pope in Rome. It was widely believed that Kennedy lost some heavily Protestant states because of his Catholicism. Kennedy was the last candidate to win the presidency without carrying Ohio and was the only non-incumbent in the 20th century to do so.

In West Virginia, Kennedy visited a coal mine and talked to mine workers to win their support. Most people in that conservative, mostly Protestant state were deeply suspicious of Kennedy's Roman Catholicism. His popularity in West Virginia cemented his credentials as a candidate with broad appeal.

To address fears that his Roman Catholicism would impact his decision-making, he told the Greater Houston Ministerial Association on September 12, 1960, "I am not the Catholic candidate for President. I am the Democratic Party's candidate for President who also happens to be a Catholic. I do not speak for my Church on public matters — and the Church does not speak for me." Kennedy also brought up the point of whether one-quarter of Americans were relegated to second-class citizenship just because they were Roman Catholic.

Still sounding familiar?

Yesterday, I found out that someone I know (who is, yes, white) is "afraid that, if Obama becomes president, he'll be assassinated and that will start a race war." Which makes me wonder whether they remember the religious war sparked by the JFK assassination. This country's been a regular Northern Ireland ever since, right?

Personally, I eagerly await the day this country elects its first black president. Because then another minority group will have what author Bob Considine called, in his 1961 book It's the Irish, "full membership":

At exactly 12:51 p.m. on January 20, 1961, America's Catholic Irish reached the end of a long and difficult journey. When John Fitzgerald Kennedy took the oath of office as the 35th President of the United Sates, and delivered an address hailed as an eloquent classic, they finally pulled abreast of the Protestant English majority that had run the nation since its founding.

Over the previous half-century, Catholic Irishmen had won prestige and prominence in every field of honorable endeavor. But, ... they had not been able to elect one of their number President. That one final achievement eluded them; the White House still was off-limits to Catholics.

Kennedy changed all that -- and he changed it despite a continuing though dwindling mass of anti-Catholic prejudice. With his election, the Catholic Irish -- despised, derided, denied even the most menial jobs a century and a quarter before -- at long last reached the ultimate political and social pinnacle.

In the balloting of 1960, American did more than elect John Fitzgerald Kennedy President; it also elected the Catholic Irish to full membership.

Sources: Wikipedia.org and "It's the Irish" by Bob Considine (out of print). Photo from Harper's Weekly, December 1876

Top contributors to the Obama & McCain campaigns

2008-10-19T11:32:00.003-05:00

Does a campaign's list of Top Contributors say something about a candidate? I will leave it for more knowledgeable and politically savvy minds than mine to decide the implications behind these lists. I just thought they were interesting.

BARACK OBAMA's top contributors*

Goldman Sachs	$739,521
University of California	$697,506
Harvard University	$501,489
Citigroup Inc	$492,548
Google Inc	$487,355
JPMorgan Chase & Co	$475,112
National Amusements Inc	$432,169
Microsoft Corp	$429,656
UBS AG	$419,550
Lehman Brothers	$391,774
Wilmerhale Llp	$383,024
Time Warner	$375,063
Sidley Austin LLP	$370,916
Skadden, Arps et al	$360,409
Stanford University	$341,399
Morgan Stanley	$341,380
Latham & Watkins	$328,879
Jones Day	$309,960
University of Chicago	$294,237
General Electric	$290,584

JOHN MCCAIN'S top contributors*

Merrill Lynch	$349,170
Citigroup Inc	$287,801
Morgan Stanley	$249,377
Goldman Sachs	$220,045
JPMorgan Chase & Co	$206,392
AT&T Inc	$183,663
Credit Suisse Group	$175,503
PricewaterhouseCoopers	$163,670
Blank Rome LLP	$153,426
US Government	$152,118
US Army	$150,470
Wachovia Corp	$147,456
Greenberg Traurig LLP	$145,737
UBS AG	$141,365
Bank of America	$133,975
FedEx Corp	$121,904
Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher	$120,246
US Dept of Defense	$118,125
Lehman Brothers	$115,707
Bear Stearns	$108,000

* These tables are from OpenSecrets.org and list the top donors to this candidate in the 2008 election cycle. The organizations themselves did not donate, rather the money came from the organization's PAC, its individual members or employees or owners, and those individuals' immediate families. Organization totals include subsidiaries and affiliates. Because of contribution limits, organizations that bundle together many individual contributions are often among the top donors to presidential candidates. These contributions can come from the organization's members or employees (and their families). The organization may support one candidate, or hedge its bets by supporting multiple candidates.

Obama is absolutely clueless

2008-10-19T08:59:00.004-05:00

Barack Obama has NO idea how to run the country. He has no political experience, and all that "community leadership" he's done, that won't help him at all.

He's never managed to raise $150 million in one month, with a record 632,000 new donors giving to the campaign. He's never established more field offices (sometimes two or three times more) in battleground states and beyond. He has never managed to mobilize new media, never used YouTube, Digg, Twitter, Facebook, nor MySpace, never taken bold new approaches to marketing, never spearheaded massive amounts of voter registration and early-voter turnout, nor created massive grassroots ownership of his campaign.

The Illinois senator has never been involved in the "most historic grassroots effort in Pennsylvania history," built a vast network of volunteers to make significant inroads in red states, nor defeated a rival who'd spent 8 years in the Senate and 8 years as the wife of a former president.

The man doesn't surround himself with experienced advisers, nor is he adamant about consulting bona fide experts. He has never been known as the even-tempered "no-drama Obama," who insists on a practicality and efficiency. And he's never been endorsed by such people as Colin Powell and Madeline Albright.

And the guy hasn't done anything prior to becoming a Senator in 2004, you know. He didn't get elected to the Illinois State Senate in 1996, nor re-elected in 1998 and again in 2002, nor served as chairman of the Illinois Senates Health and Human Services Committee. He never became the first African-American president of the Harvard Law Review.

Yeah, he's clueless.

Crap service competition: AT&T vs. Blockbuster

2008-10-17T09:41:00.023-05:00

At this point, I'm not sure which is worse, AT&T or Blockbuster. Let's examine:

AT&T

I used to have Bellsouth for local and long-distance phone service. Then AT&T bought Bellsouth. Things were alright for awhile, until I decided to sign up for AT&T's bundle plan for local, long-distance and Internet.

When I called AT&T, I was told I'd have to lose some of my calling features, things like call waiting, 3-way calling, and voice mail. A little fact they left out of their promotional material. But I never used those features, anyway, so, no problem.

Then I was told I'd have to pay for a special modem (another fact left out of the promotional material), which they would send to me, but hooking up our service would be easy. Just plug in the modem and follow the instructions. No technicians needed to visit. Yay.

We received the modem, and my husband went to hook it up. We needed a password which we didn't have. The modem came with some discs, which we figured out we were supposed to use to access said password and activate our online service. But the discs only worked for Windows.

We run Linux.

After spending a considerable amount of time on the phone with AT&T customer service, the bottom line was that we could not connect to the Internet using AT&T. You'd think that the AT&T rep might have said, "You must have Windows in order to connect," when I signed up. But, no.

AT&T told us to box everything back up, and they would send us a return label. Meanwhile, we had to scramble to reconnect our previous internet service, which can be used with Linux, and which required I stay home half a day and wait for a technician to come out to our house. We got the return label, we sent the modem back to AT&T. All done, right?

Wrong. After that, I got a bill from AT&T which included a charge for the modem we were never able to use, and charges for internet service, even though we were never able to connect. I spent a half-hour on the phone, being shuffled between various AT&T departments, and explaining my circumstances to no fewer than 4 different people, before the connection charges were dropped.

The modem charge of $75, however, would only be dropped when the modem was received by AT&T.

That was in September.

Come October, I get another bill from AT&T for the $75 unused modem.

"If you have any questions," said the bill, "you may call 1-888..." So, I call, I work my way through the automated system, wait on hold for several minutes, and finally get a human being. I explain that I just got a bill charging me for a modem I never used. And he says, "I'll need to transfer you to customer service." Really? Well, then who are you? "Billing." Right. So, why can't you answer a question about my bill? "I don't have the information about your modem, I'll need to transfer you." OK.

So, I'm put on hold, again. I wait several minutes, then I get to explain my story to the next person. She says, "I'll need to transfer you to the DSL department. They handle that."

I was put on hold a third time. When the DSL department picked up, the connection was crap and I could only hear every other syllable. I was able to confirm my home phone number with him, and I told him I could barely hear so could he please call me back for a better connection. He agreed.

A few minutes later, I received his call, and I explained my story again. He said, "I'm sorry, you'll need to talk to someone in billing about that."

I shit you not. That's what he said.

"No. No way. I talked to billing, that's who I called to begin with. They transferred me to customer service, and customer service transferred me to you, and now you're telling me I've got to go back to billing? You've got to be kidding me!"

He reassured me that he would find someone who could answer my questions. I was transferred to a "Ms. Fitzpatrick," who said, yes, AT&T did indeed receive the returned modem, and she would credit my account the $75 right now.

Which begs the question, why didn't they credit my account before I called?

BLOCKBUSTER

The same day I called AT&T, I had to deal with Blockbuster. I'd noticed a charge of $7.92 from Blockbuster on my bank statement. I called the store and asked what the charge was for. "Max and Ruby." Oh, yeah, I'd rented that for the kids a month or two ago, but we have piles of DVDs, so maybe it got lost and we forgot to take it back.

"Was it returned?" I asked. Yes, it was. In fact, I hadn't kept the movie very long, maybe 2 weeks tops. "Then what's the charge for?" Late fees. "But I thought Blockbuster didn't charge late fees like that any more."

At that point, I was told that "Blockbuster hadn't really decided what it was going to do about late fees," and that my city is a test market for reinstating the fees.

Then he told me that I'd received some automated phone calls telling me to return the movie. Wow. Charging late fees AND hiring psychics now? I don't remember receiving any automated phone calls, and even if I had, I probably wouldn't have paid attention because I used to receive automated reminders all the time, back when Blockbuster WASN'T charging late fees.

At that point, I was mad. I hung up and went to Blockbuster.com. From there, I clicked "Contact Us" and got an online form. The form had a drop-down menu for selecting a subject, and I chose "Store Feedback" and "Extended Viewing Fees." I gave my name, email, etc, and explained what happened. Then I explained that Blockbuster has lost me as a customer.

What kind of reply, if any, did I expect? I figured they would say something like, "Blockbuster is examining its current fee structure and we are very sorry to hear that you are disappointed with our level of service. We will take your comments into consideration when determining our nationwide late-fee policies and hope that you will return again to Blockbuster."

What I did receive, later that day, was this reply from "Paula":

I have carefully reviewed your billing information and I have not seen any $8.00 charge for movie rental. The only billing I saw was on last January 9, 2005 which has the billing amount of $16.00 for Total access subscription. I would suggest that you contact your bank and check if there is overdue fee of $8.00 from Blockbuster.

If in future you would like to reinactivate your account, you may write down your current e-mail address and password.

Always here to help,
Paula
Blockbuster Customer Care

Yeah, real helpful, Paula. First, I already know for a fact that I was charged an overdue fee by Blockbuster, not for a movie I kept over a month but for a movie I kept about a week and a half, I talked to the store, and now you're trying to tell me it didn't happen? Second, how the hell would my BANK know it's an overdue fee and not just a rental fee or purchase? And third, what the hell is "reinactivate"?

I emailed Paula and said:

I don't know what account you're looking at, but I was charged exactly $7.92 by Blockbuster for a movie I rented -- a "Max and Ruby" kids dvd -- and did not return by a particular date. I called the store in question (here I provided the store's address and phone number) and I talked to someone, I think he said his name was "----." He told me I was charged for keeping the rental for one week past the due date, and when I said I thought that Blockbuster got rid of overdue charges, he said that (my city) was a "test market" for re-instating the fees again.

I received another reply, but this time from "Eliza."

Thank you for contacting Blockbuster Customer Care!

I sincerely apologize for the confusion regarding the charges on your Subscription plan.

Using your email address I was not able to see any charges on this account not even for any non returned DVDs. It would be helpful if you can give us the email addres associated with this account or the account number itself. So that we are able to pull up the right account and give you an efficient answer.

Please let me know if there is anything else I can do for you. It was a pleasure serving you today.

You have a great weekend! Thank you for choosing Blockbuster as your #1 entertainment provider.

Sincerely,
Eliza
BLOCKBUSTER Customer Care

At this point, I'm thinking we've gone waaaay beyond the point where an "efficient answer" is even possible.

The whole point here is that I DO NOT nor will I ever again choose Blockbuster as my "entertainment provider." What prescription meds are these people on? I have no idea what email address is associated with my account, if not this one. And I don't have a "subscription plan" nor do I have any other email address that would be connected to Blockbuster.

I wrote back to Eliza today:

I do NOT choose Blockbuster as my entertainment provider, and I never complained about charges on my subscription program. I was complaining about charges to my movie rental account at a Blockbuster store location.

I submitted my complaint through Blockbuster.com, assuming this was how to contact the Blockbuster company which controls the Blockbuster stores. If I am incorrect, could I please have the correct contact info for the Blockbuster company? Thank you.

And I got this reply from "Vian":

I understand that you would like to know why you have been billed. I reviewed your account and I see that there was no $8.00 charge. I believe you have rented it in a store in (my city). It would be best if you could drop by at the store so we could assist you better. Please let me know If there is anything I can help you with. It is my pleasure serving you today.

Always happy to help,

Vian
Blockbuster Customer Care

Are these people even reading my messages?

To Vian, I reply:

No, I do NOT want to know why I've been billed. I KNOW why I was billed, I already called and talked to the store. They told me that they are now charging late fees again. SO WHAT I'M TELLING BLOCKBUSTER is that, as a result, they have LOST ME AS A CUSTOMER. That's all I've been trying to say all along. I don't need any explanations, credits, or confirmations. I'm submitting a complaint. THE END. It is not necessary to contact me again.

And then I received an email inviting me to take the "Blockbuster online support survey," which only had a few questions about the speed of their response, the courtesy and professionalism of the response, and whether I felt that customer support actually understood my inquiry. So, they've GOT to know, already, that their customer support system is ass or else why would they ask?

"Much like the print media and retail stores refusing to change, Blockbuster has been a victim on an online company finding new and inventive ways of bringing a product to a customer. And due to its size and outdated corporate culture, there really is no salvation for Blockbuster at this point. Try as it might, the future of Blockbuster is bleak, at best."

"Blockbuster reported a loss of $44.7 million, or 23 cents a share, in the second quarter, ended June 30, compared to a $34.2 million loss in the same period last year. But same-store revenue rose 9%, and the company reaffirmed that it expects a profit for the year." (09-2008)

Well, yeah, if they spring a bunch of new late fees on people, and raise rental fees, they'll definitely show a profit. For a little while. Until all of those folks remember that's why they were sick of Blockbuster, before, and go somewhere else.

"Let me see if I have this straight"

2008-10-09T10:47:00.003-05:00

These are not my own words, but they might as well be. I found this gem amongst the Amazon book reviews. Thank you C.G. Welch for gathering together and juxtaposing these little nuggets of info.

By C. G. Welch "Patricia Welch" (Temperance, MI)
I'm a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight.....
* If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're 'exotic, different.'
* Grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, yours is a quintessential American story.

* If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
* Name your kids Willow , Trig and Track, you're a maverick.

* Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.
* Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.

* If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that Registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.
* If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive and next in line behind a man in his eighth decade.

* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.
* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and then left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a true Christian.

* If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
* If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex
education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're very responsible.

* If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious Law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.
* If you're husband is nicknamed "First Dude", with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

OK, that makes it much more clearer now...

**************************

To which I would add:

* If you don't happen to wear an American flag pin on your lapel, you are dishonorable and unpatriotic.
* But if you happen to crash two navy jets, drink, gamble, womanize, hide out while a fire on the USS Forrestal kills 134 men, and get involved in the Keating Five Savings & Loan scandal, then you've acted "responsibly, as I have acted responsibly throughout my military career and throughout my career in the United States Senate.” (McCain quote from the Second Presidential debate)

* If you vote in 2002 against going to war in Iraq, you at best lack experience, at worst are betraying the American people and not supporting the troops.
* If you are in favor of what you call an easy war in which the US will be welcomed as liberators and for which there's a cost of billions of dollars and thousands of lives, and believe the only "honorable" way to end a 6-year war is "in victory," regardless of how many civilians, women and children are killed, girls raped, fellow soldiers raped, captives tortured, and "detainees imprisoned and abused in the process, or how much the American economy suffers, then you are prepared to be president.

* If you fist-jab your wife, you're a terrorist.
* But if you call your wife a "trollop" and "cunt," then you're an American hero.

Getting ready for November 4

2008-10-06T12:49:00.006-05:00

When Barack Obama wins the election for President of the United States, you'll know which house is mine. It will be the one with the OBAMA sign in the front yard and the big white girl singing a really loud and bad rendition of the Five Stairsteps "Ooh Child" song.

I don't wear lipstick

2008-10-03T10:51:00.005-05:00

You know what, I'm not a Democrat nor a Republican, so I don't have any sort of cognitive dissonance that I need to soothe by either hating or loving Sarah Palin. I think she's a sincere person, I do, who honestly believes the things she's saying and really does love her Down's baby, pregnant teen-age daughter, soldier son, and rugged husband. Good for her. And it's super to know that the Republican party is not above breaking a glass ceiling when it plays into their nefarious plans and the woman they anoint has a hot little keister.

But I don't think Gov. Palin is ready to be Vice President, let alone President, if McCain should happen to succumb to his old age and/or ailments, or pop a blood vessel from trying too hard to suppress his indignation at that uppity whippersnapper Barack Obama.

I also find it hard to believe that, despite what she said at the debate, she would be "tolerant" of Gays and Lesbians. Or tolerant of Atheists, Pagans, Muslims, or anyone not an evangelical Christian. This "End of Days" mentality (shared, if I'm not mistaken, by current President Bush) is the last thing we need to help allay the mess-o-potamia that is the Middle East.

I never wear lipstick. Maybe that's why I don't feel any particular kinship with Sarah Palin.

Telling remarks

2008-07-25T20:28:00.003-05:00

Republican Presidential Nominee John McCain told reporters recently, "Apparently Sen. Obama, who does not understand what’s happening in Iraq or fails to acknowledge the success in Iraq, would rather lose a war than lose a campaign."

Read it again. "Obama... would rather lose a war than lose a campaign."

So... McCain is saying that if Obama supported the war, then he would lose the campaign for President of the United States? That's what it sounds like, right? Pull out of Iraq = Win Presidency. Stay in Iraq = Lose Presidency.

Which essentially implies a few things:

1) McCain acknowledges that the war is unpopular. Unpopular enough that Obama's opposition would win the Democrat the campaign for president.

2) McCain is aware that the majority of the American people are sick of the war and want it to end -- it must be a majority, after all, otherwise how would Obama "not lose a campaign" by preferring to "lose" the war?

3) McCain is conceding the campaign to Obama. He's saying it right there. Let me paraphrase: Obama will win the campaign because he's against the war. I'm for the war, even at the expense of becoming president.

4) McCain is an asshat.

Warning: Don't marry a guy named Mr. Peterson

2008-05-21T16:07:00.002-05:00

First there was Mike Peterson in Durham, North Carolina, who was convicted of murdering his wife in 2001 by throwing her down the stairs of their home, and who possibly killed another woman in a similar fashion in Germany in 1985 (and subsequently gained custody of her children, if I remember the details correctly).

Then there was Scott Peterson, convicted of the 2002 murder of his wife and unborn child in California.

Now there's Drew Peterson, whose third wife was murdered under suspicious circumstances in 2004, and whose fourth wife went missing in 2007.

I don't know about you, but if my husband's last name was "Peterson," I'd be feeling a little nervous right about now.

I'm just saying.

How do you explain this one?

2008-03-05T17:42:00.005-05:00

There must have been some heated debate in the Rice-A-Roni conference room over this one.

CEO: "I'm telling you, it tastes better when you add the Special Seasonings BEFORE you remove from heat!"

Consultant: "Market research reveals that 3 out of 4 Rice-A-Roni consumers prefer to add the Special Seasonings during step 2, as you slowly stir in 2-1/4 cups water."

CEO: "For the best flavor, they shouldn't add the Special Seasonings until step 4! Johnson, go get those boxes printed."

Consultant: "Johnson, you do that, and the entire Rice-A-Roni empire will crumble like the very ruins pictured at the top of the Creamy Four Cheese box!"

Montessori vs. Home School UPDATED

2008-01-13T10:00:00.002-05:00

I home schooled my oldest daughter, Tara, through second grade, but we placed her in a private Montessori school for third grade in August. I continue to have my 3-year-old daughter, Amber, at home with me (meaning, she does not attend pre-school or daycare, though the Montessori school would accept her). I also work from home.

Several people have asked me about the differences between Montessori and home schooling; why we decided to put Tara into Montessori school; and why we decided to return to home schooling again at the end of this 2007-2008 school year.

First, I think I should talk about why we chose to home school in the first place. The short answer is: because public schools suck. However, if you want the long answer:

* We want our children to be able to experience more than they would in public school. In addition to the basics (reading, writing, math), we explore science, economics, computers, yoga, art, history, languages, psychology, world cultures, mythology, poetry, sports, music, dance, logic, politics, archeology, sociology, and more.

* We want them to learn by doing, living, talking, researching, and interacting, and to be able to pursue whatever knowledge interests them, instead of just sitting there receiving whatever the teacher or textbook decides to tell them.

* They are not animals. They don't need to be trained to follow ringing bells, or beg to go to the bathroom, or be generally treated like inmates.

* We want our children to be able to meet and interact with people of ALL ages and backgrounds, not just the same 30 children of the same age and from the same neighborhood every day.

* While we are not Christians, we do want our children to know about all religions and holidays. In public school, religious expression, discussion and celebration is forbidden, (or, in the case of the bible-belt area where we live, one-sided).

* Our children are very bright. Children with high intelligence have special needs. Public schools in our area are not equipped to deal with these types of children.

Other reasons we chose a non-traditional method of education include: the inefficient waste of time in public schools; our belief in the importance of family bonds and activities; the negative social environment of public schools; and several points of disagreement with "traditional" teaching methods.

So, why did we put Tara in a Montessori school? The short answer here is that Tara is a very difficult and demanding child. The "terrible twos" came on when she was only 10 months old, and didn't go away until ... ummmm... yesterday. Mommy needed a break.

We also felt that Amber would benefit greatly, at this point in her development, from having mommy all to herself for a few hours a day.

And Tara was becoming aware of the fact that most other children in our society go to public school, and that school is (according to children's television shows) a magical place of talking dinosaurs, dancing blue dogs, shiny happy people, and playing all day long. She kept asking questions about school, and was curious what it would be like.

There was no way in hell-o operator that we were going to put her in public school, so we began investigating private schools. I'd read quite a bit about the Montessori method five years ago, when I began Tara's pre-school education, and was already using some of the ideas and techniques.

For some humor on this topic, check out "Something Weird Going On In That Montessori School, Neighbor Reports" from The Onion spoof newspaper.

From wikipedia.org: "The (Montessori) method is characterized by an emphasis on self-directed activity on the part of the child ... It stresses the importance of adapting the child's learning environment to his developmental level, and of the role of physical activity in absorbing academic concepts and practical skills."

After four months with the Montessori school, here are some of the differences I've noted between Montessori and public school.

Montessori classrooms do not have assigned seating, and there are only a few desks. Children work on the floor, or at various tables. The classroom is full of accessible plants, animals, learning tools, folders, worksheets, books, and other materials. There is also a kitchen and bathroom in Tara's classroom.

Our Montessori school is much smaller than most public schools. Students range in age from 3 to 15. Administrators get to know all of the students. Teachers and administrators are available via phone and email all the time. Parents can request conferences at any time. Tara's class takes at least two field trips a month. The school is very flexible, and does not classify any absence as "unexcused."

Family obligations are always considered more important than anything else. Parents are actively involved in the school and classroom. Students are not given much homework, only about 20-30 minutes a night, and that includes 15 minutes of reading from any book of their choice. They never receive homework over the weekends or holidays.

Here's a little story that illustrates another difference. We went to dinner last night with a family whose daughter attends public school. The mom asked Tara, "So, do you like your teacher?" And Tara responded, "Which one? We have four classroom teachers, plus a Spanish teacher, art teacher, drama teacher, yoga teacher, gymnastics teacher, PE teacher, and music teacher." And that's all for a classroom of just 26 students.

Another big difference, one which we like very much, is the lack of grading and testing. Students are given workbooks and assignments appropriate to their needs (there are several different ages and achievement levels within Tara's class). But students are not expected to work on the same thing at the same time, or to complete assignments within the same time-frame. And if they do something incorrectly, they are helped until they can do it correctly, not just handed back a paper marked "C" and then moved on to the next assignment.

Children are also not separated strictly by age or ability. Tara is in what's called "lower elementary" and there are children ages 6-9 in her class. Older students help tutor and mentor younger students. Students, even at this age, are expected to be responsible for their education, and are taught organizational, time management and self-discipline skills.

"Although there are many schools which use the name 'Montessori,' the word itself is not recognized as a trademark, nor is it associated with a single specific organization. Thus it is legally possible to use the term 'Montessori' without necessary adherence to a particular training or teaching method." Which is probably why I've heard people accuse "Montessori" public schools of not actually following all - or even most - of the Montessori method.

Now, about that topic which is thrown in the face of every home-schooling family: socialization.

Tara never comes home in tears because anyone is making fun of her. She does not generally talk about things like popularity, clothes, or bullies. She comes home with things like a necklace someone made her to apologize for treating her poorly on the playground. Or stories about someone hurting someone else's feelings and how they all talked it out. I have tried asking questions such as, "Do kids ever make fun of you, or each other?" "Who is the most popular person in class?" etc. These questions don't seem to relate to her experiences.

The Montessori school promotes the attitude that the entire class is a team. They are expected to help each other, work together, to forgive, and to accept each others' differences. Much emphasis is placed on conflict resolution and creating a safe environment, emotionally and physically. They use such techniques as the Peace Rose to work out problems between students. Feelings are not ignored or belittled, no one is expected to put up with bullies or to just ignore a problem until it goes away. Compliments are encouraged, teasing not tolerated.

Children are taught to shake hands, make eye contact, clean up after themselves, tidy up their classrooms and playgrounds, be polite, and other manners which are often lacking in "socialized" public school students.

Diversity is also embraced at the Montessori school. Children are allowed to dress any way they want to, and I've seen several students (and parents) with colored hair. Children wear clothing styles of all kinds. Families are invited to share all of their cultural and religious practices with the school. For instance, recently an email went out to all of the parents asking if they wanted to share their holiday traditions in the classroom - whether that be Christmas, Hanukkah, Diwali, Ramadan, Winter Solstice, Kwanzaa, or whatever.

All of that said, however, I'm not saying things are perfect. She is starting to struggle a little with feeling awkward, sad, shy, and insecure, and the dark part of "socialization" -- the realization that some people can't be trusted, some people aren't nice, some people can be lying and manipulative, and there's some things you just can't fix no matter how hard you try. But these have all been good lessons for her to learn.

So why are we going back to home schooling? One of the main reasons is because Tara requested it. Science is her favorite subject, but one which is not pursued to her satisfaction in the Montessori school. She misses the variety of educational topics and experiences she had while home schooling. Tara recently told us that she also wants to home school again because it gives her more time to think. The noise and constant distractions during lessons are bothering Tara. She said last night, "You know, mom, after being at that school for several weeks now, I've realized that most of the other kids don't care at all about learning anything."

I think Montessori has been, overall, a good experience for Tara, but I don't feel that she's able to work up to her full academic or creative potential. Our Montessori school has done very well with the basic academics** and some of the extracurriculars (such as Spanish, art and music) but it still has its limitations. And I lean toward the unschooling philosophy enough to keenly feel them.

I hope this has explained our experiences with Montessori. I have taken for granted that my audience has an intimate understanding of home schooling. If not, I highly recommend further online research. If you have any questions about our particular experiences with Montessori vs. Home School, I'd be happy to answer them.

** UPDATE MAY 2008: Tara recently finished mandatory standardized testing and did very well.

My hero today is Alexis Goggins

2007-12-17T23:43:00.000-05:00

From online news reports:

DETROIT - As the gunman was about to open fire, 7-year-old Alexis Goggins lunged from the back seat of the SUV and threw herself across her mom, crying, "Don't hurt my mother!"

Six bullets from the 9 mm handgun slammed into Alexis, one piercing her right eye. Two slugs hit her mother.

The events started when Alexis Goggins, her mother Selietha Parker, 30, and family friend, Aisha Ford, were taken hostage by Parker’s boyfriend, Calvin Tillie, 39. A man she had been dating for only 6-months. Forcing Ford to drive them to a location, Ford stalled for time by stopping at a gas station, and calling 911 on the way in to pay for the gas. Stating that Ford was taking too long, he opened on Parker. It is at that point that Alexis scrambled over the seat and got between her mother and Tillie, begging him to stop. Without hesitation, Tillie unloaded into the little girl.

When police arrived, Tillie surrendered without incident. Alexis was found underneath the steering wheel, bleeding profusely. She was surrounded by bullet casing and broken glass and there were teeth on the seat of the vehicle. Her mother suffered a gunshot wound to the side of the head and bicep.

I would just like to go on record to say that Mr. Tillie should be beaten with a pipe and then fed to dogs. You pull a gun on a mother in front of her child (which is bad enough), and then you go ahead and shoot the child... well, as far as I'm concerned, you have just relinquished all claims to being human and should be tossed in the nearest landfill with the rest of the garbage.

Thanks, I needed to get that off my chest.

A fund has been set up for Alexis. Checks should be made out to the Alexis Goggins Hero Fund and sent to Campbell Elementary School in care of the Alexis Goggins Hero Fund, 2301 E Alexandrine St, Detroit, MI 48207. For information, call (313) 494-2052.

AP article

The Death of Language

2007-12-12T16:43:00.000-05:00

If you count the American Legion essay contest I won in junior high, I've been a writer for more than 20 years. At various times, I've been an editor, columnist, fiction writer, librarian, teaching assistant, tutor, reporter, and spelling bee winner. I can't recall the last time someone questioned my command of the English language.

Then, today, I was in the post office with my kids, ages 7 and 3. While I was trying to ship a couple of packages, they were playing some kind of game which involved tormenting each other and then emitting piercing cries.

After the third round of this game, I demanded, "Both of you, stop shrieking!"

And then the man behind the counter said, "Shrieking? Is that a word?"

Um... yeah.

Now, I'm used to explaining obscure words, such as the name of my jewelry business, Monkeyshines. No, I didn't invent it. It's a real word. And I do watch BBC a lot, and read highfalutin things like Shakespeare, Yeats, Thackeray, Wilde, etc., so I sometimes pop out with archaic or unusual words in everyday conversation. Like "highfalutin." But... shriek?

"Yes," I said, "I'm fairly certain it's a word. Shriek. S-H-R-I-E-K." I spelled it, just to make sure we were both talking about the same thing, and he hadn't misheard me.

He just shook his head. I wasn't sure where to go from there. Had he ever heard of "yell"? "Holler"? "Screech"? I could understand if he'd never heard words such as "vociferate" or "ululate" - but shriek?

"You know, like 'a shrieking ghost' or 'a piercing shriek'?" I offered. I'd almost said, "shrieking banshee," but that might have really confused him.

"I thought it was a slang word," he said.

Now, what am I supposed to say to that?!

"Maybe it's just not used very much any more..." I suggested, but only to keep from saying something other than what I was thinking, which was, "How in the world can you be 40 years old and not know that 'shriek' is a real word?"

"Has it ever been used much?" he responded, with a tone that suggested the unspoken addendum, "You nutty fat broad."

At that point, I gave up.

WTF?

2006-10-02T15:40:00.001-05:00

On September 13, 2006, Kimveer Gill opened fire at Dawson College in Montreal, killing Anastasia De Sousa and injuring 19 other people. He apparently blogged about his violent tendencies on a vampire website, but had no previous criminal record.

Not long after that, Shannon Torrez slit the throat of young mother Stephenie Ochsenbine and kidnapped her newborn baby, all while Stephanie's 1-year-old child was also in the home. Fortunately, Stephanie lived, her 1-year-old was not hurt, and the baby was returned unharmed.

Unfortunately, around the same time in nearby in St. Louis, Tiffany Hall cut an unborn baby from her good friend Jimella Tunstall's womb, and drowned Jimella's children before stuffing their bodies into a washer and dryer. Hall claimed Jimella's baby as her own and tried to have a funeral before her boyfriend turned her in.

Sept. 27, 2006, in Colorado, homeless 53-year-old petty criminal Duane Morrison took six teen girls hostage in a high school English class, molested them, then shot Emily Keyes in the head before shooting himself. Morrison may have researched the victims on myspace.

Sept. 29, 2006, 15-year-old Wisconsin teen Eric Hainstock shot and killed his school principal John Klang. Apparently the teen was angry after being disciplined for bringing tobacco to school. He was also angry about some kids at school who were teasing him and he felt that the teachers and administrators were not helping him.

On October 2, 2006, in Pennsylvania, a milk truck driver Charles Roberts took a schoolroom of Amish children hostage and shot the girls, ages 6-12. He may have called his wife from a cell phone and told her he was "acting out in revenge for something that happened 20 years ago."

These acts were not just committed by loners and outcasts. Hall was a mother herself, and Roberts a husband and father of three. Or, perhaps, in some way, this society has made us all into loners and outcasts, adrift and helpless and disconnected, and more likely to fall apart?

I struggle to understand all of this violence, so much of it against women and girls, within the past month. Why did it happen? Do we blame parents? But, the killers ranged in age from 15 to 53, most of them well beyond the age of parental supervision.

Do we blame easy access to guns? Hall and Torrez did not use guns, they used common, everyday sharp objects, or water.

Do we blame a world in which war is nothing more than just another video game? Gill did like violent video games, but I don't think Morrison was playing them while he lived in his car.

Readers' choice: It's a failure to breastfeed? It's because women don't stay home with their children? Absent fathers? Too much spanking? Not enough spanking? Music? Culture? TV? Lack of religion? Religious nuts? Ritalin? Prozac? Or just plain evil?

Could it be that in times of societal turmoil, more people simply snap? We do live in stressful times. The largest private employer in the country Wal Mart is forcing people into low-wage, part-time jobs without medical benefits or even time off to be with their families. We are struggling with a lot of things and we can't seem to win - the War in Iraq, the War on Drugs, failing schools, too much sex and violence on TV, obesity ...

While the institutions we would normally fall back upon are faltering ... governments and churches are full of perverts and greed ... tens of thousands of people die each year from mistakes made by doctors and medical professionals ... families are driven apart by long working hours, high debt, drugs, too many hours of homework required by public schools leaves little family time ... and of course there's always the perennial divorce rate ...

At the end of the day, I think it boils down to isolation. We don't know who our neighbors are, we hardly know who our spouses are, do we even know who we are? Kimveer Gill was contemptous of his fellow humans. Torrez unsuccessfully struggled with her grief over not being able to have a child of her own. God alone knows what was going through Hall's mind, but she had several boyfriends and was a single mom, which isn't exactly what I would call stable and secure. Morrison was homeless. Hainstock was allegedly teased at school and angry that no one would do anything about it. Roberts acted out because he was dealing with some kind of demons from something that happened 20 years ago.

It's even been said that the victims in Colorado were found and targeted through myspace. Teen girls reaching out into the void for something, and getting evil. It's so sad.

Not that I want to excuse the horror and evil committed by Gill, Torrez and the others. But I am trying to figure out - trying to comprehend - where things go terribly wrong.

I was struck by something I heard on TV this morning: An expert on Amish culture said that the Amish would recover quickly from the tragedy because they have a deep social and spiritual network of extended family and community. Maybe that's the key.

I don't know. There's no point to this post, no point except that I am confronted by terrible evil every time I look at the news, and it upsets me.

John Donne said in 1624, "No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were. Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

The bell is tolling. It's tolling hard.

"Where never kings connive nor tyrants scheme"

2006-07-17T23:19:00.001-05:00

I came across this poem today and wanted to keep it.

Let America Be America Again
Let America be America again.
Let it be the dream it used to be.
Let it be the pioneer on the plain
Seeking a home where he himself is free.

(America never was America to me.)

Let America be the dream the dreamers dreamed--
Let it be that great strong land of love
Where never kings connive nor tyrants scheme
That any man be crushed by one above.

(It never was America to me.)

O, let my land be a land where Liberty
Is crowned with no false patriotic wreath,
But opportunity is real, and life is free,
Equality is in the air we breathe.

(There's never been equality for me,
Nor freedom in this "homeland of the free.")

Say, who are you that mumbles in the dark?
And who are you that draws your veil across the stars?
I am the poor white, fooled and pushed apart,
I am the Negro bearing slavery's scars.

I am the red man driven from the land,
I am the immigrant clutching the hope I seek--
And finding only the same old stupid plan
Of dog eat dog, of mighty crush the weak.

I am the young man, full of strength and hope,
Tangled in that ancient endless chain
Of profit, power, gain, of grab the land!
Of grab the gold! Of grab the ways of satisfying need!
Of work the men! Of take the pay!
Of owning everything for one's own greed!

I am the farmer, bondsman to the soil.
I am the worker sold to the machine.
I am the Negro, servant to you all.
I am the people, humble, hungry, mean--
Hungry yet today despite the dream.
Beaten yet today--O, Pioneers!
I am the man who never got ahead,
The poorest worker bartered through the years.

Yet I'm the one who dreamt our basic dream
In the Old World while still a serf of kings,
Who dreamt a dream so strong, so brave, so true,
That even yet its mighty daring sings
In every brick and stone, in every furrow turned
That's made America the land it has become.
O, I'm the man who sailed those early seas
In search of what I meant to be my home--
For I'm the one who left dark Ireland's shore,
And Poland's plain, and England's grassy lea,
And torn from Black Africa's strand I came
To build a "homeland of the free."

The free?

Who said the free? Not me?
Surely not me? The millions on relief today?
The millions shot down when we strike?
The millions who have nothing for our pay?
For all the dreams we've dreamed
And all the songs we've sung
And all the hopes we've held
And all the flags we've hung,
The millions who have nothing for our pay--
Except the dream that's almost dead today.

O, let America be America again--
The land that never has been yet--
And yet must be--the land where every man is free.
The land that's mine--the poor man's, Indian's, Negro's, ME--
Who made America,
Whose sweat and blood, whose faith and pain,
Whose hand at the foundry, whose plow in the rain,
Must bring back our mighty dream again.

Sure, call me any ugly name you choose--
The steel of freedom does not stain.
From those who live like leeches on the people's lives,
We must take back our land again,
America!

O, yes,
I say it plain,
America never was America to me,
And yet I swear this oath--
America will be!

Out of the rack and ruin of our gangster death,
The rape and rot of graft, and stealth, and lies,
We, the people, must redeem
The land, the mines, the plants, the rivers.
The mountains and the endless plain--
All, all the stretch of these great green states--
And make America again!

- Langston Hughes

You say “kay-ah-nu”, I say “key-ah-nu”

2006-06-15T21:19:00.000-05:00

This post is in response to Jason Matthews' 40-point list, "Keanu Reeves Does NOT Suck, And I Can Prove It."

First, I will concur that Keanu Reeves appears to be physically fit and pleasant, in general, and that there are people who like him. I spent many years trying to see what they see, and I just don't get it, so I was hoping Jason "The Jay" Matthews' proof that Keanu doesn't suck would help me make that leap...

But it didn't.

1. No, I was not "impressed" by Keanu’s performance in The Gift, and did not think he was "impressively intense." I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that, for once, he didn't detract from the rest of the movie in which he appeared. But that's it.

2. Whether he won a Razzie Award or not has nothing to do with whether he sucks. It just suggests that there may be others who suck more.

3. Giving $38 Million dollars to The Wachowski Brothers to finish the Matrix sequels only proves that he's possibly vain and/or stupid, which ... sucks.

4. So, he's worked with many great directors. Then how can he have so many crap movies and shallow performances? Maybe he's just good at coddling Hollywood egos.

5. “Whoa.” Huh? How does this word prove he doesn't suck? I would argue that it's one of the primary reasons he sucks. We hear that "whoa" echo in every role.

6. Jean Claude Van Damme does not mean “giant douchebag.” Can we get back to the "proof" that Keanu doesn't suck?

7. Orlando Bloom a "pussyboy"? Orlando Bloom has broken his back, ribs, nose, both legs, arm, wrist, a finger, a toe and cracked his skull three times. He got a tattoo with his fellow LOTR actors, suffered through his dad dying when he was only 4, and was almost paralyzed at one point. He got the LOTR part only 2 days after having his back brace removed.

http://www.theorlandobloomfiles.com/articles/now03jan.html

Orlando cracked a rib on the set of LOTR, and if I recall correctly, the LOTR commentaries say that he was filming a scene where he had to do a lot of running - with the cracked rib - along with Viggo Mortensen, who had a broken foot. Pussyboy?

8. He picks interesting movies? Sometimes. But a good actor will make even a bad movie better. Keanu seems to have the opposite effect (making a good movie worse).

9. I had a friend who once observed that Keanu must stand around Hollywood with a cardboard sign that reads: "Will act for food" and that's how he gets so many roles.

10. A star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. "They don’t just give those out, you know." Yes, they do. They totally do. Rin Tin Tin the DOG has one, for pete's sake. Pat Sajak, Big Bird and Pee Wee Herman have stars, too.

http://www.seeing-stars.com/Immortalized/WalkOfFame.shtml

11. Like Sew Crates, he knows that he knows nothing. Good for him.

12. Who's Paul Walker, and who cares?

13. Has starred in six $100 Million grossing movies. To refute, I cite FRIENDS. Or, how about AMERICAN IDOL. Or GEORGE BUSH. There's no accounting for taste.

14. "Almost never shows up in tabloids" would, I think, indicate how little an interest there is in him. Photographers chase the folks who bring in the big bucks.

15. "Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure" didn't make me think Keanu was an idiot. I love that movie, too. But what DOES give me the impression that he's an idiot is the fact that he continues to sound like Ted in so many other movies (see item #25).

16. “I am an F-B-I Agent!” Out of what you contend is a large, varied and thematically rich body of work he's done with top actors, actresses and directors, this, "Whoa" (item #5), and "Bogus, dude" (item #40) are the best you've got to give us?

17. He quit the bands "Dogstar" and "Becky." And this proves what, again? That Russell Crowe sucks, apparently.

18. That he kept a straight face in the "abysmally crappy" Sweet November proves he has talent? Jeez, if being in crappy movies proves talent, then where are the Oscars for Adam Baldwin, Milla Jovovich and Bruce Campbell?

19. Refer to items #4 and #9.

20. He may be “The One,” but the Matrix movies are #2.

21. OK, we definitely agree on one point here: YES, he is making movies better by turning them down.

22. He doesn't own a computer? How condescendingly enlightened of him. By the way, I do own a computer, and I've still never been on MySpace. Does this mean I don't suck, either? Most triumphant.

23. I don't care what Roger Ebert says about him. Ebert only gave "Napoleon Dynamite" 1-1/2 stars, "Mystery Men" 2 stars, but he gave "Being John Malkovich" 4 stars, so he and I don't exactly agree on what's "good."

24. Has Keanu ever made a Western?

25. "Between playing the freaking Buddha and playing a stoner in Bill & Ted’s, why do people think he has no range?" Um, because he's like a stoner playing Buddha, dude. It didn't help my perception of his performance in "Matrix" at all when Neo's very first word in the movie was the stoner-like delivery of "Whaaaaat?" Made me laugh out loud in the theater.

26. It's "WaterLOOP" not Waterlube. And didn't you already mention Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure in item #5 AND item #15?

27. He may have had a variety of roles, but he doesn't give his roles much variety.

28. Big deal. My dad knows Kung Fu, too, and he sucks.

29. I wouldn't call "Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey" a winner. Nor the Matrix sequels.

30. There are a lot of actors who aren't Scientologists,johns, drug addicts, cheats, phone-throwers or bastards. Keanu is, however, a drunk driver, which I notice you left out of your list.

31. "Is there anything he can’t do?" Uh, act, some people would say. Listing his interests in motorcycles, philosophy and martial arts still ain't convincing me of his non-suckiness. I knew a kid in high school who was into all of the same things, and he also thought he was a Ninja and would wear tabi shoes to his job at Denny's - just in case he had to throw any shiriken with his toes while he was bussing tables, I guess. SUCK.

32. Po-TAY-toe, po-TAH-to. Whatever. Have we gotten to the part where you convince me that he doesn't suck, yet?

33. Wow. So, every actress who plays a character with a romantic interest only took the job because she wants to ... how did you put it? ... "bang" her leading man? And, um, someone apparently DOES want Adam Sandler: Drew Barrymore. Twice. ("Wedding Singer" and "50 First Dates")

34. Was in the pilot episode of a short-lived show that got canceled? Now you're really reaching.

35. No, wait, NOW you're reaching. He doesn't suck because ... he was never on Will & Grace?

36. Hosted “Children Remember the Holocaust.” Cool. For those keeping score, however, it's now 35-1, in favor of Keanu is Still Sucking.

37. Has a college class based on his movies? This only proves that people in California are weird.

38. "Even if you think he’s not getting better, at least he’s trying." Score is now 36-2.

39. Robert Lewis thinks Keanu is a great Hamlet. And he should know Shakespeare, "after all he is British." And every American is an expert on Mark Twain and Ernest Hemingway, right?

40. “Bogus, dude”? OK, this is the FIFTH reference you've made to the "Bill & Ted" movies. I am officially declaring your list 36 items long.

Do I still think he sucks?

Totally, duuuude.

The Wedding Invitation From Hell

2006-06-10T10:31:00.003-05:00

My husband received a wedding invitation from a colleague. No, wait -- first he received a "save the date" refrigerator magnet, many months prior. Which, in my opinion, is silly. If I know you well enough to want to come to your wedding and buy you a gift, shouldn't I also know you well enough to know when the date is coming? And if I don't know you that well, and I don't really want to come, I resent being held hostage. "What do you mean you can't make it? We sent you a save-the-date magnet months ago!"

Then, the wedding invitation itself came along. In a 9x12 envelope. Inside the 9x12 envelope:

1) Another envelope, not addressed but featuring a printed return address for the couple (yes, they already live together). Inside that envelope, an embossed printed invitation, wrapped in fancy paper and tied with a ribbon.

2) A small envelope with the RSVP card inside. Not pre-stamped (I have received RSVP cards already stamped), but pre-printed with their address.

OK, pretty standard so far, I guess. Not that I had any fancy printed invitations for my wedding, or any RSVP cards, but I've seen it done before. Alrighty.

3) A card with their Bed, Bath & Beyond registry number.

Again, I know there are many couples who register at their favorite stores. Sure. Makes it easier for friends and family to shop for a wedding gift. Plus, for an older, professional couple who already lives together, there are probably a lot of things they already have, right?

But then we get:

4) The 8.5x11 12-page "Survival Guide." Yes, Survival Guide. That's what it says on the front cover. Along with a picture of the mansion where the wedding will be held, 30 miles from the couple's house.

This survival guide includes:

- A table of contents. Table of contents? For a wedding invitation?

- A list of contact information. Why would they be inviting anyone who didn't already know their phone numbers or email?

- The complete list of suggested gifts and registries. Topping the list, of course, is CASH. I quote the Survivial Guide: "This is our preferred gift-giving method." Well, no shit. Every human being's "preferred" gift is cash, so do we really need to say it? I think that's in really poor taste. I mean, you don't say, "Hey, grandma, thanks for the card you sent me on my last birthday, but my PREFERRED GIFT-GIVING METHOD is cash." "Mom, I appreciate that you spent 3 hours trying to find just the right gift for last Christmas, but, y'know, my PREFERRED GIFT-GIVING METHOD is money..." Or, well, maybe these people do. And that's just sad.

But, then, wait, if you can't bring yourself to just cough up the money, they do accept GIFT CARDS. And they are kind enough to include, in the Survival Guide, a list of 10 stores from which they will accept gift cards.

So, I have to ask, are they inviting that many people who are A) complete morons, and/or B) know the couple so very little as to have no idea which stores they might enjoy? And, does this mean that if I get them a gift card from Sears instead of Kohls, then these ingrateful shits won't be our friends any more?

- Travel and Lodging. OK, this is nice of them. They provide airport info and local hotels. But, did this really need to be in the Survival Guide and sent to all 100-200 (300?) guests? Couldn't this just be told, via phone or email, to the people flying in? Are most of the guests flying in from somewhere else? Must be nice to have such a huge group of people willing to take time off work and drop so much money on flying in for your shindig. I couldn't even find 15 people to come to my wedding, and that's including the wedding party, my coworkers, the minister and her husband.

- A list of everyone in the wedding party, parents, grand-parents and "special guests." Meaning, I guess, that all other guests are not special. Just cough over the cash and gift cards, please.

- Rehearsal itinerary. Now, call me crazy, but I thought that the rehearsal dinner was a nice little tradition started as a way for the close friends/family in the wedding party to unwind and bond between practicing the wedding at the church and then actually doing the wedding. We never had a rehearsal for our wedding, and thus never a rehearsal dinner, but I can see why some folks would. Some weddings are complicated, and it helps to run through it with the minister, at the location, once. Apparently this couple's wedding is VERY complicated, as they say that the rehearsal will take up to 3 hours. Whew.

Then they say that EVERYONE is welcome to the rehearsal dinner, the night before the wedding. Um, then what's the point of the dinner after the wedding? Oh, well, I guess the dinner after the wedding is the nice one. The dinner before the wedding will be Subway and Smithfield's in a local hotel meeting room.

Y'know, subs and BBQ in a hotel meeting room is considered a "reception" by a lot of folks (the kind who maybe don't get hitched in mansions nor expect lots of cashy money). But, get this, if you are coming to this couple's rehearsal dinner, be prepared to PAY! Yup, "All others are welcome to come with a donation of $3/person."

- An explanation of their BIG DAY, including dress code and wedding itinerary.

"July 15th is a very special day for us." Well, no shit.

"We have spent countless days researching and planning for this special occasion." You and everyone else who ever has a wedding. Even my own small wedding took several days-worth of planning and researching. I've had a few friends get married in Las Vegas, and even that takes some time and planning. You're not special.

"As such, below you will find some helpful information for how things will occur." So, because you are apparently the only people to ever consider a wedding a "special day," and because you spent a lot of time planning for it, you get to be arrogant assholes. Got it.

"Dress code: No jeans or t-shirts please!" Um, are you actually inviting people who don't already know this? Or is this simply more condescension?

"Itinerary: 2:30 - Arrive promptly." No, actually, I was hoping to wander in sometime around the "I do," in my jeans and t-shirt.

Itinerary continued:
"3:00 - Ceremony Begins in the Garden
3:30 - Cocktail Hour by the pool
4:30 - Reception in the ballroom
4:45 - First Dance
5:00 - Dinner is served
6:00 - Cake Cutting/Toasts
6:30 - Dancing/Mingling
9:00 - Garter/Bouquet Toss
10:00 - Bride & Groom Exit, Guests Depart."

I am SO glad they included this in the Survival Guide. Now I know exactly when I can start mingling, and when I'm allowed to leave. And when to tell the strippers and clown to arrive.

And, may I just say: Seven hours. That's SEVEN fucking hours. Oh, my.

- Finally, they have 5 pages of maps and directions and info about the local hotel. Again, did this really need to be in the Survival Guide sent to all guests?

All told, I estimated that if you include gas and travel time, the appropriate clothing my husband would have to buy (he doesn't own any suits) and the wedding gift, he'd be spending as much as we spent during our wedding. For an aquaintance who thinks we're too stupid to show up on time, not wearing a t-shirt, and too inept to shop for a nice gift.

This invitation was received just a few days after I got an invitation to my friend Melanie's wedding. Her invitation was a handmade 4x6 postcard, printed on a computer, embellished with some scrapbooking stickers. It was very pretty. Melanie also has a website where people can go to RSVP. Her website does have some info about locations, accommodations, how the couple met, who is in the wedding party. But no 12-page guide. No cards to mail back. No gift registries. No dress code. No demands.

Melanie and her man do ask for monetary gifts, but this is how they say it: "With our combined households, and a brand new house we really don’t need anything most newlyweds would need. What we have decided to do is ask for monetary gifts to our trailer fund. With Kevin’s race schedule we really need housing for our family of five out in the dirt. We are currently setting our sites on a used model which is $28,000.00. So any and all wedding gifts will be put toward a deposit on this travel trailer. We thank you in advance for any contribution you can make."

Which is much more gracious and open-ended and honest than the other couple's snotty Survival Guide.

More evidence supporting my Stonehenge/King Arthur theory!

2006-01-07T22:00:00.000-05:00

In college, for an archaeology class, I wrote a paper suggesting that the King Arthur legend has its origins long before the Dark Ages. All the way back, in fact, to the dawning of the bronze age and the building of Stonehenge. I drew connections between certain key elements of the King Arthur myth, and what we know about the megalithic monument on England's Salisbury Plain.

In brief, the earliest surviving written reference to Arthur is in a Welsh poem from around 594 AD. Another early reference to Arthur is in the Historia Britonum, attributed to the Welsh monk Nennius, who is said to have written this compilation of early Welsh history around the year 830 AD. In this work, Arthur is referred to as a "leader of battles" rather than as a king. Nennius is also the first to mention Merlin.

It's in the 11th and 12th centuries that several more references to Arthur pop up in Welsh tales and stories about the lives of saints. Also, Geoffrey of Monmouth's fictional Historia Regum Britanniae, c. 1138, was a medieval "bestseller" that attracted other writers to expand upon the tales of Arthur. Over the centuries, chivalry, knights, Celtic mythos, magic, fairies, and other elements were added.

I suggested that the story -- the seeds of the story -- were in fact much older. Just as the tale of Arthur has remained popular for the past 15 centuries, perhaps it goes back even further? Perhaps 2000 years or more before being referenced by that Welsh poet Aneirin? After all, people didn't write much down back then, and oral tradition was to them what the internet is to us.

The area where Stonehenge is located has been used as a sacred or special area since about 4000 BCE. Neolithic farmers built long barrow communal burial chambers in the vicinity. They also built circular enclosures and causeways, which are forerunners of the Stonehenge monument.

Between 3000 and 2000 BCE, however, long barrows went out of use (the use of long barrows without grave goods gave way to individual burials accompanied by wealth - or what would have been wealth to the people of the time). The first phase of construction on Stonehenge itself began c. 2800 BCE, and Silbury Hill was also built (the largest man-made mound in Europe).

The appearance of grave goods/individual burials and this mobilization of resources/manpower is interpreted as the shift from an egalitarian farming community to a chieftain society.

My idea: The "once and future king" of British legend may be an ancient king, the first "king" in England, the chieftain who set himself apart as a leader among men. A leader who was the first to wield metal weapons, the first Excaliburs, at the dawn of the Bronze Age. This magic of pulling a sword from a stone may be an echo of the wonder felt by those first farmer folks who witnessed this forging of a metal tool on a stone anvil (aha! the "sword in the stone"?). Such a power may have enabled a man to become chief, to mobilize the moving of even larger stones into what is sometimes called "The Giants' Round" - the earliest Round Table, perhaps?

The prosperity of this golden age went on for centuries, and perhaps left its mythic mark in the oral traditions of those first residents of the Neolithic Camelot, then passed on to the Celtic bards and druids who came later.

Having proposed all this about 10 years ago, I was so excited to read in Smithsonian magazine that in 2002 archaeologists found the graves of two men just a few miles from Stonehenge. This find turned out to be the richest Bronze Age burial ever discovered in Great Britain.

One of the men, dubbed the "Amesbury Archer" or "King of Stonehenge," was buried with a wrist guard, arrows, and almost 100 other artifacts, including tiny copper knives and a cushion stone - a hand-sized piece of rock used as an anvil.

And, interestingly, this King of Stonehenge did not come from the locals. Based on a tooth enamel analysis (I know, isn't it amazing what we can do, nowadays?) they think the Archer (the Arthur?) grew up in Central Europe.

"The archers would have been at the vanguard of the flashy new trade," says the Smithsonian article. "Carbon dating, and the absence of metal objects from earier graves, suggest the archer's arrival roughly coincides with the arrival of metalworking to the British Isles."

"The knowledge in his hands and in his head," archaeologist Andrew Fitzpatrick said, "was the key to his status. He brought a unique or exceptionally rare skill. You can think of the archer as a kind of magician."

OK, so maybe they didn't find Arthur, just Merlin.

The archer's arrival not only coincided with the bronze age arriving in Britain, but also of the erection of 20- and 30-ton stones at Stonehenge. "And it's even possible the archer may have provided the catalyst to get the project started... Perhaps he exploited his position as a charismatic outsider... to forge alliances among the region's cheiftains." (Smithsonian)

It's as if they found the very person I suggested in my paper. Isn't that wild?

Another interesting bit of info: My Welsh dictionary tells me that "arth" means "bear," and most name lists will say that Arthur means "bear" or derives from the Latin name Artorius. But, I just discovered that in Old Irish art means stone. Hmmm...

Mystery Man of Stonehenge article in Smithsonian Magazine

Wikipedia King Arthur article

My heroes today are Mike and Andy

2005-12-12T13:31:00.000-05:00

According to the news, Andy Friendly, Mike (no last name given), a "large gentleman" and others on a plane bound for Honolulu tackled and subdued a fellow passenger who threatened to kill a baby on board and then rushed the cockpit.

Andy and Mike are the only subduers I've found identified by name, but everyone who helped keep Flight 91 safe is my hero today!

There's no place I can be since I found SERENITY

2005-10-12T16:30:00.000-05:00

I am a diehard FIREFLY fan - a "Browncoat" to the initiated. Not since I started reading the Dragonlance Chronicles back in 1985 (20 years - has it been 20 ruttin' years?) has a fiction so completely captured my imagination and my heart.

My husband loved it first. I was there to watch the show "John Doe," which aired after FIREFLY. And was also cancelled by Fox. I fell in love with FIREFLY later, when we bought the DVD set and watched all of the episodes without commercial interruptions, without sports pre-empting, and in order (unlike the original airing on network TV).

But my heart was truly won after seeing SERENITY. Then it somehow became a world where I wanted to be, where I felt at home. I realized that it was a lot like home - I grew up in the Mojave Desert (which is likely, from what I've seen, one of the locations where FIREFLY and SERENITY were filmed), out in the fringe, with the Desert Rats, Old Coots, Freaks, Geeks, poor, dirty, strung-out and lawless. Where going to the swapmeet, held in the local drive-in movie theater, with your knife strapped to your belt, to buy gun magazines or decorative dinner plates, was high adventure on a Saturday morning.

I was raised by a Mal-like father who taught me how to shoot multiple guns, distrusted the government and would have supported the philosophy, "Someone tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back." I dated men like Jayne Cobb, muscle-bound farmboys from the local Marine base whose lives revolved around guns, drinking and sex. I was just like Kaylee when I was a teen. My friends snapped off witty reparte like Wash, or brooded abused and barely lucid like River.

I know these characters. I am these characters.

Prohibition ad nauseum

2005-09-21T07:54:00.000-05:00

Apparently, we can no longer take pain pills. They're addictive. They'll kill us. Or destroy our livers. Or kidneys. Or stomaches.

We can't drink. We can't smoke. We certainly can't toke.

Forget coke. You'll lose your modeling contract.

TV? Too violent, risque and sedentary.

We can't eat. Being obese is a "national epidemic." Overweight workers "cost companies an additional $450 to $2,500 a year in medical expenses and work absences..." (Read here) Yes, let's protect those poor suffering corporations and CEOs.

Porn is out. Congress and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales have directed the FBI to form an "anti-obscenity squad." Politicians - those pillars of morality.

Is there anything we CAN do?

Wal-Mart sucks? No kidding

2005-09-13T15:17:00.000-05:00

"Wal-Mart workers on four continents sued the giant retailer today in California Superior Court in Los Angeles. They maintain that Wal-Mart failed to meet its contractual duty to ensure that its suppliers pay basic wages due; forced them to work excessive hours seven days a week with no time off for holidays; obstructed their attempts to form a union; and, made false and misleading statements to the American public about the company's labor and human rights practices." -
Yahoo News

I stopped shopping at Wal-Mart about 6 years ago. I never liked its business practices - the way it moved into small towns, the way it treated workers, etc. - but I particularly didn't like the way the Jacksonville, NC, store always smelled like a day-old dirty diaper, the aisles were always crowded with unpacked boxes, and the workers were just plain mean.

A $3 giant jar of pickles or a few dollars off of a bicycle aren't worth it to me.

My brother-in-law says that many people can't afford to shop anywhere but Wal-Mart. That may be the case in depressed rural areas where Wal-Mart is both the only store and the only employer for miles around. Which is terrible, in and of itself, as it smacks of the history of this country's coal mines.

"You load sixteen tons, and what do you get? another day older and deeper in debt
St. Peter, don't you call me, 'cause I can't go, I owe my soul to the company store."

But every place I've ever seen a Wal-Mart, there's a K-Mart or a Food Lion or a Target or an Eckerd's or a thrift store or a mom-&-pop store nearby, with comparable prices. And I've been poor, but never so poor that I couldn't simply go without whatever Wal-Mart was selling.

Two moms? That's nothing new...

2005-08-23T07:11:00.001-05:00

"SAN FRANCISCO - In the latest ruling to recognize rights of same-sex couples, the California Supreme Court has said gay and lesbian couples who raise children are lawful parents and must provide for their children if they break up."

Good! A responsible parent is a responsible parent, regardless of sex.

" 'Today's ruling defies logic and common sense by saying that children can have two moms,' said attorney Mathew Staver of Liberty Counsel. 'That policy establishes that moms and dads as a unit are irrelevant when it comes to raising children.' "

The policy establishes that having both a mom and a dad is irrelevent? I thought society had established that on its own, several decades ago. Single moms and single dads, grandparents, extended family and unrelated custodians have been raising children for quite awhile now - where's this guy been?

And the ruling says that children can have two moms? That's nothing new. There have been children with two moms for decades, if you count stepmoms and grandmoms, aunties, adoptive moms and close family friends. Centuries, if you count all of the cultures which have practiced (and still practice) polygamy.

"Several child-advocacy organizations filed friend-of-the-court briefs taking the same side."

Exactly. This has much less to do with the "rights" of same-sex parents than it has to do with the rights of the children to be cared and provided for.

My hero today is Bunny Greenhouse

2005-08-07T08:49:00.002-05:00

"Bunnatine 'Bunny' Greenhouse is the Principal Assistant Responsible for Contracting ("PARC" in the alphabet soup of military acronyms) in the Army Corps of Engineers. Lest the title fool, she is responsible for awarding billions upon billions in taxpayers' money to private companies hired to resurrect war-torn Iraq and to feed, clothe, shelter and do the laundry of American troops stationed there.

"She has rained a mighty storm upon herself for standing up, before members of Congress and live on C-SPAN, to proclaim things are just not right in this staggeringly profitable business."

Read about her here.

My husband, the smelly ogre

2005-05-01T13:30:00.001-05:00

A few years ago, after watching "Shrek" for the first time, my husband pointed out that I was "just like Donkey." While I'd like to think of myself as more like Fiona - especially the part about turning into an ugly fat ogre after getting married - I could see the similarities. And my husband is a lot like Shrek.

We're a lot like Bert & Ernie, too. Yeah, a LOT like them. Which is kind of funny because Ernie was my favorite character on Sesame Street when I was a little kid, and Steven's favorite character was Bert. Just watch any Sesame Street segment with those two in it, and you pretty much get a clear picture of what my life is like at home.

Then there's Spongebob and Squidward. Can you guess which one I am?

Finding wisdom in the strangest places

2005-04-02T00:21:00.000-05:00

The following quote was found at http://www.chinaberry.com/ while casually surfing the 'net. I agree wholeheartedly.

"Creating a home means much more than feeding and discipline. It has to do with the larger choices a parent must make. It has to do with creating an environment where there is serenity and beauty - serenity and beauty which become a part of your family's life. There is deep texture to this process: it asks us to define and live what is important to us, and at the same time it brings meaning, joy and gratitude to the everyday."

The Tao of Poo

2005-04-01T00:39:00.000-05:00

We have a variety of words to describe my baby girl's poo. "Like the Eskimo and snow," my husband said.

There are the Poop Cookies. These are the most common. Look like little flattened pancakes o' poo.

Not quite as common are the Poop Cakes. These are larger versions of the Poop Cookies, not quite as flat.

Depending on what she eats, there may be the Peanut Butter Poop. Or the Vegetable Soup Poop. I don't think I need to explain those.

Once in awhile we get a Baby Ruth Poop. Which looks just like the Halloween-size candy bar of the same name.

And finally, my favorite, the Poobles. These are little marbles of poop that like to roll out of the diaper during changings. I once found one of my younger sister's Poobles outside her playpen when we were kids. I thought it was Play Doh, at the time. Which was not such an odd mistake to make, considering I had just been playing with the clay in the livingroom the day before and mixing up all the colors of the rainbow. Fortunately, I just put the Pooble on the end table by the couch, rather than in the jar with the clay. I'm sure my parents wondered how a tiny turd got there where my dad set his Pepsi, and now they know.

You know, I've been tested at an IQ of about 165, and I'm spending my days classifying poo. Sometimes I think there's something wrong with that. Then other times I think that, in the vast expanse of the universe, perhaps ambition and ego are no more nor less significant than the flapping of a butterfly's wing or the falling of a sparrow. Perhaps they are illusions, and it is only necessary to do what is necessary. Like changing a diaper.

The Terrifying Peace of Motherhood

2005-03-14T23:21:00.000-05:00

I thought I knew everything there was to know about Motherhood.

After all, I had a mother. I had several grandmothers. I had friends who were mothers.

But no one ever told me... not only would I subsist, but I would grow fat on the dregs of my children's meals: burnt french fries, PB&J crusts, the last spoonful of yogurt, the grape that fell on the floor.

No one told me... that my shirt would be used as kleenex, and I might even go to the store afterward without changing it.

I never knew... that I could love so much and want to kill at the same time.

I never imagined... that I would suddenly understand why the cult of the Holy Mother persists amongst the estimated 1 billion Catholics on the planet today. I am god to my children. If they are sick, they want my comfort. If they are hungry, they want my body. When I lift them from their beds, they look at me with ecstatic faces. When they are scared, hurt, sad, they want only me. They shower me with kisses and little pictures of hearts and flowers.

A friend without children recently said that having the girls must bring a "wonderful peace" to my life. Should I tell her?

Should I tell her that it's actually a terrifying peace. It's terrifying to think of all the things that could happen to these little people, no matter what I do. That every time I read a newspaper article or see a TV report about a child being hurt or killed, I cry. That my mind constantly invents all of the things that could go wrong in the course of a day - falling and hitting their heads, accidentally poking their eyes out with their spoons or pencils, car accidents, choking on food, kidnapping, wars, a meteor hitting the Earth...

It's a sense of peace only in that it's a sense of perspective. You change enough diapers, clean up enough barf, have your tits gnawed on enough, kiss enough soft baby cheeks, and nothing else really seems all that important, anymore. Pretenses disappear. As do vanity and modesty. Which is a sort of peace.

Viagra sales limp

2005-02-18T11:05:00.000-05:00

The Chicago Tribune reports that sales of erectile dysfunction drugs did not rise as anticipated between 2003 and 2004. In fact, Viagra saw its US performance drop 20% in 2004.

But what disturbed me most was the quote from David Pernock, senior vice president of sales and marketing for Glaxo. "It takes a while before you can re-establish your brand as the 'it' product to take."

"It" product?

I thought drugs were created to treat health problems, not to be trendy. I thought that drugs were for chronic or moderate-to-severe health problems which don't respond to other treatments/therapy/lifestyle modification - not for fashion statements.

But, apparently, I was wrong. It's amazing to me that a country which sends people to prison and confiscates their property for a little pot is doing...

* Hormone replacements (invasive breast cancer, blood clots, and heart attacks),
* Pain killers (heart attacks, stroke, cardiovascular injuries, addiction, ulcers, liver and kidney problems and more)
* Diet pills (heart problems, stroke, headaches and more)
* Alcohol (more than 17,000 driving-related deaths per year in the US, its related health problems - trauma, cirrhosis, pancreatitis, high blood pressure, irregular heartbeat, cancer, heart disease and brain damage - also cost the country billions of dollars)
* Heartburn pills (headache, diarrhea, abdominal pain and more)
* Antidepressants (anxiety, insomnia, impotence, nausea, diarrhea, suicide and more)
* Antibiotics (longterm use linked to breast cancer and drug-resistant strains of bacteria)

Why are pills so popular? Because "everyone is doing it"?

If it was really the first time...

2005-02-13T12:52:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here listening to Foreigner's "Feels Like the First Time" and thinking, if it were really the first time, the song would be over in about 45 seconds.

Spongebob is gay?

2005-02-08T13:25:00.000-05:00

A sweet little innocent yellow sponge holds hands with his best friend (an even more innocent, dopey pink starfish) and suddenly they're sending our children straight to hell in a butt-banging handbasket?

What is with the sexuality witch-hunt in this country? When did I stop being able to hold hands with my sister, mother or best friends? Yeah, I'm foisting my deviant lifestyle on you because I'M A MARRIED STRAIGHT WOMAN HOLDING HANDS WITH MY SISTER. Oh, the little children will be gouging their eyes out with hot pokers! What the hell?

Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream that one day "... little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers." Did he have a homosexual agenda, too?

Back in 1990, I had a penpal who was in Desert Storm. He sent me several little "souvenirs" - including a Coke can in Arabic, a Hard Rock Cafe Al-Khobar t-shirt, and an instruction manual that briefed military personnel on the culture in Saudi Arabia.

The manual says (on page II-5, under the heading "Physical Closeness"), "You may see local men (including soldiers) walking hand in hand - this indicates nothing more than the fact that they are good friends (not homosexuals)." Maybe we need to send a similar manual to James Dobson?

The manual goes on: "Touching during conversation is also common and is often done for emphasis. A local male touching another male's knee or hand during conversation indicates what he is about to tell him is something of the utmost seriousness, importance, or to be held in confidence.

"Conversational distance is based on the greeting distance. For two American men it would be handshake distance. For two Arab men, however, it would be closer, since they cheek kiss upon greeting - same for two Arab women."

Wow, the Nick Jr. folks are really making inroads in Arab countries! And Arabs aren't the only ones well on their way to accepting Spongebob's alternate lifestyle practices. David S. Clark, president of the U.S. Institute of Languages, writes:

As I was living in Latin America, I became friends with a local man and we would have conversations about the difference between Greetings in the Latin culture and Greetings in the English speaking culture. He thought it was so funny and so unnatural to see two Americans that were close friends greet each other. He described it in this way. "It's funny to see two American friends approach each other and then just sort of stop a few feet away and say 'Hi', or maybe even wave their hands and say 'hi', or even give each other a 'high five'". He said that for him, "It seems much more natural to have contact with each other either through a hug or a kiss on the cheek."

In fact, "Men in Eastern Europe, Portugal, Spain and Italy will often kiss male friends on the cheek," writes Susan Dunn, a business writer for webpronews.com.

Dear God! Vast swathes of humanity actually touching each other! What's next?

Spongebob has been singled out due to his alleged popularity with homosexual men. But the rightwing nutjobs are also taking issue with the Tolerance Pledge at the We Are Family Foundation website, which ends with the line: "I pledge to have respect for people whose ... sexual identity or other characteristics are different from my own."

The We Are Family Foundation's children's video coming out March 11, 2005, has not only Spongebob but characters from Arthur, Barney, Bear in the Big Blue House, Between the Lions, Blue's Clues, Bob the Builder, The Book of Pooh, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Dora the Explorer, Jimmy Neutron, JoJo's Circus, Kim Possible, Lilo & Stitch: The Series, Madeline, The Magic School Bus, The Muppet Show, The Proud Family, Rugrats, Sesame Street and Zoom.

Yes, every popular kids cartoon on the planet is in on it - that "gay agenda" already outed by Congressman Barney Frank (D-Mass.) at the Democratic National Convention in 2004 ...

... the one which suggests we should all just play nice.

Like Spongebob and Patrick.

One does not simply walk into Mortor...

2005-02-07T22:18:00.000-05:00

No, it's Mordor, with a D. And, yes, um, you do. With an army of Ninja Wizards.

I know this has been blogged to death, but it's awesome.

Sean Bean is so delicious. I like him even better now than when he did the Sharpe series. Too young and skinny then. My personal Netflix rating system includes the provision that any movie containing Sean Bean (or Matt Damon) automatically gets one extra star.

Even when he was barfing in the movie "Ronin," he was still sexy. I'd hold his long Boromir hair back out of the toilet for him after a bender. Oh, yeah.

Breastfeeding is "dirty"?

2005-01-30T01:25:00.001-05:00

Some people actually think breastfeeding is dirty. The most natural, necessary, sacred act of humankind is "dirty."

What do they think people did for thousands of years before the invention of formula? I don't get it. But then, there's a lot of things I don't get about Western "civilization."

Nursing is the epitome of sacred love. It's been depicted in the religious art of many cultures, throughout history. I recently found a Kriya Yoga website that talks about how milk is the physical manifestation of love, coming from the heart chakra. Looking into my babies' eyes, the ecstasy on their faces, when I breastfed them, I agree.

And there's a bunch of references to breastfeeding in the bible, including these:

Luke 11:27 While Jesus was saying these things, one of the women in the crowd raised her voice and said to Him, "Blessed is the womb that bore You and the breasts at which You nursed."

Psalms 22:9 Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you even at my mother's breast.

1 Thessalonians 2:7 But we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children.

Isaiah 66:10-11 Rejoice with Jerusalem and be glad for her, all you who love her ... for you will nurse and be satisfied at her comforting breasts; you will drink deeply and delight in her overflowing abundance.

I've read that the Hebrew word for "baby" comes from a root meaning "to suckle."

It's why modern nurses are called nurses! Anyone who's ever seen the miraculous healing power of breastmilk knows why we say someone was "nursed" back to health.

It's why we say "the MILK of human kindness."

Prof. Adenike Grange, president of the International Paediatrics Association, wrote the following in 2004:

"Every mother has the right to breastfeed, the right to support for optimal infant feeding, and the right of the working mother to continue to breastfeed her infant after resuming work. This right can be exercised with the right to informed choice. Often conflicting with these rights is the right of the woman to be fulfilled in her productive role. The main issue, therefore, is how to bring about the reconciliation of roles within the framework of modem day pressures and power structures. The aim of this presentation is therefore to make the flow of this life-saving milk the concern of both men and women so that the producer of the milk can receive kind consideration and support from her spouse, her family, her employer and the community at large so that our children will given optimal chance of survival and development.

"Breast milk provides complete nourishment for an infant from birth up to about six months of age. Breastfed babies suffer fewer incidents of diarrhoea, respiratory and middle ear infections and are less likely to develop allergies. Apart from its immunological benefits, it is always at the right temperature, needs no sterilization, costs nothing and almost every mother and baby pair can breastfeed successfully. Breastfeeding promotes emotional bonding between mother and child."

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